Marriage, Romance and Kids

At work, the girls in my department aren't really the "family" types. They're married or dating, no kids, and they give themselves to their work (and did I mention shopping and hair salons?) I do love those gals! Those of us who are a bit more family oriented, though, do feel outnumbered and we seem to enlighten them about family life now and then!

One day, I remember a discussion where one of my friends and colleagues (the mom of a toddler), was jokingly talking about the fact that once the kids come around, you don't really have much time for your spouse anymore... the romance is pretty much shot and it's more about the bills, the kids and chores... "Right?" she says looking over at me actually quite serious about it all...

"Well, actually..." I begin... let's just say that I can see how it's easy to fall into that, but I challenged her on the fact that it doesn't have to be that way! Marriage is something that needs work and commitment. Even if it seems impossible to fit in, JD and I need to take time out to connect with one another every day, whether it's when he comes in from school (or both of us from work soon enough!), or at night when the kids are in bed, enjoying a bit of TV together, just relaxing, catching up on our days...

Then we need date nights when we can get out and actually talk more over a quiet dinner, or it could even be just making a point of turning the television off one evening, or sitting out on the back deck together one sunny afternoon when the kids aren't around... It's basically "I'm prioritizing YOU" time with eachother... So necessary.

When we've gone too long without one of those times and I don't see a good time coming any time soon, I look forward to road trips (which come often enough as we visit family). When we're in the car, we're sitting next to each other for hours, so we can sit and chill, we don't even have to talk much, but it's nice to know that we can chat if we want to. And the kids are learning that they have to wait their turn when mom and dad are talking, an important lesson to learn!

I must admit, that earlier in our marriage, even before the kids, with us both busy with school and work, with computers and TVs on it seemed all the time, I worried that we would have nothing to say to each other if we were sitting across from each other at a table with no distractions... just him and I... no one or nothing else... I feared silence... Now after 9 years of marriage, it's awesome to know that I have no need to fear that. We can share stories about the kids, what's going on at work or school, and better yet, our fears, dreams, make plans about the future, the house, the kids... it's sweet. And we make time for the romance too. You've got to!

I think the greatest gift we can give our kids is the security of them knowing that their parents have a solid marriage and that we truly love each other deeply.

I just read a post on a blog recently that I can very much relate to, and I know that many with busy children will as well... it so beautifully and comically captures a snapshot of this struggle we have to communicate with our spouses when life gets busy. Take a second to read "What I Didn't Say".