The 100/0 Principle

Do you have a relationship in your life that you are ready to give up on? You're so frustrated with the person you don't know why you even bother?

Well, we all know the golden rule:

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

But its not always so easy to live out when we face frustrating people that make us want to throw our arms up in the air...

So what do we do? Give up? Is the relationship worth all your effort when it feels like they're giving you nothing back?

The golden rule was summed up in practical ways in this 100/0 Principle that really resonated with me. Its meant for the relationships that you feel truly matter... whether it be a coworker you just need to get along with because you work so closely together... a friend... a sibling... an in-law... a spouse... whatever relationship you find yourself in that might be strained at the moment.

Check out this brief video to see what its all about... you'll get the idea.

The 100/0 Principle - see this brief video to get the gist of it.

Relationships that matter are worth the time and effort. I truly believe it. We need faith that things can and will change. I do... do you?

Soccer Mom

This past April, my oldest daughter went to the park with the neighbourhood kids who are a few years older... When I reached the park shortly after, I watched as my 7-year old walked off the soccer field to sit on the sidelines as the others went on to play soccer.

When I got closer, I saw that she was teary-eyed and was clenching on to the cell phone she was asked to hold on to. I asked why she wasn't playing soccer with her friends. She replied that she's no good at soccer. They had been playing tag and other games that had been fun, but once they switched to soccer, she chose to sit out, feeling like she might not be good enough.

I believe that what followed became a pivotal moment in my daughter's life (and I could have easily missed it). We walked home together and talked along the way. She shared about not really liking sports because she doesn't like the competitiveness, feeling like she's not really good, and not liking when she loses (who does really, just something we've all got to learn!)...

It's at that moment that I decided that my daughter would not be another woman who like so many grows up believing they just aren't the athletic types... then looking back on their life after having children, they wish they'd been more active... I believe that we all need to be active, regardless of whether we'll be winning Olympic medals. It doesn't matter if we're good in every sport, but it is important to find a sport or physical activity that works for us!

It would have been easy for us to label her as the "artsy type" and keep her out of athletics... but in that moment, I realized the importance of not doing that! I was already seeing her self-esteem being affected by it in that incident at the park. That was not going to be my girl, sitting on the sidelines as the designated cell phone holder. Not my daughter.

SO, my girl and I chatted some more when we got home. We looked up the town soccer club, discovered that we hadn't missed registration yet (it ended that week!), and we discussed the idea of her playing soccer. She got really excited about learning the sport, not too keen on the idea of playing games, but we talked about it all being a part of sport: practicing, learning, making friends, playing, winning, losing, all the while learning to be a good sport.

Her next question: "what would I wear?" The idea of having a team uniform and those special soccer shoes too was getting her pretty excited... and the possibility of winning a trophy (like her friends up the street)... well...(thankfully they apparently all win trophies in the soccer club tournaments ;) I talked it over with my husband, and we had her registered the next day.

Since April, she's insisted on joining me on a couple of runs (she ran 20 minutes straight without stopping! I know many women who can't do that!)... She has also gone to the park a number of times with our teenage neighbour (who is heading off to university on a soccer scholarship in the fall) to kick the ball around and learn more about the sport. She has been soaking up every second of it all.

Months later, we are a few weeks into the soccer season, and my girl who "didn't like sports" has developed a new found LOVE for soccer. She is watching the FIFA World Cup in South Africa any chance she can, learning where she is to be on the field as she watches the players on TV, and she gets SO excited for soccer night. She's eager, not afraid of the ball on the field and best of all, she's gained a lot of confidence in her sporting ability over the past few months.

This is the type of stuff in life that defines us and impacts our sense of self growing up (which I believe does carry on into adulthood). All that to say, I'm thankful that my girl will grow up to value active living with a stronger self-esteem and sense of self.

Phew... I could have easily missed that, after years of choosing to stay away from soccer because I didn't want a sport to rule our lives in the summer... all in all... I know we made the right call on that one. It is definitely worth it, and we can work our visits to the cottage around the weekly soccer practice/game.

So a soccer mom I have gladly become ;)

Where things go...

Yesterday, we were driving on a country road to go visit a friend in her new home when we went by a dump site. It had high mountains of crushed metal scraps... my 2nd grader was HORRIFIED! Our exchange went something like this...

"Why do they leave that there like that Mom?" she said with passion and extreme concern for this urgent situation.

"What do you want them to do with the garbage, love?" I asked.

"Not just leave it on the Earth!!!"

So on went the discussion as we kept driving about what happens with the things we throw in the garbage. Her response:

"I'm NEVER throwing ANYTHING out again!!"

My response: "Well we better stop buying things too then because it always results in more things needing to be thrown out in the end - packaging, broken things...!"

Well, that was ridiculously over the top to her... and there lies the problem. We are so comfortable in our wasteful lifestyles that any major sacrifice to address the serious issue of waste management becomes a difficult one to tackle on a personal level! It's easy to remain ignorant (I'm not preaching but rather including myself in here) when we don't often see it like we did yesterday and we just see our garbage picked up at the curve to go to some distant land we don't think much of...

And so we continue to live our lives, my daughter with a new awareness of the problem our wastefulness causes for the environment, and perhaps we'll get better and better as a family and a society to make smarter decisions about what we buy and discard.

Side note: For one, I've become much more aware of the amount of waste packaging produces... so that influences what products I put in the shopping cart... ie. I've never liked toilet paper and paper towel that are individually wrapped within their larger package... so much plastic! Now I'm noticing other packaging too... like juice boxes and water bottles... we've been bad for that because they're so convenient and recyclable... but they're still waste that need to be processed and that could be avoided... And what a movement to see all major grocery stores in our area push reusable bags and charge for the plastic ones now! I wonder when other retail stores will follow suit?

You know, my daughter's disgust at those mountains of scrap metal and garbage was a great reminder to me about how desensitized I've become about the whole situation... I truly should feel more of the urgency she did yesterday in the face of the blatant problem of waste management.

The Quest for Independence

A robin built its nest in our doorway this spring.

It's been neat to watch the hovering mom always on the lookout as we'd carefully pass by, hoping she wouldn't dive bomb us in an act to protect her young! Thankfully, we were able to coexist without incident.

We started to see little heads popping up as she would bring them worms to eat, then just last week, the babes left the nest... it doesn't seem like that long ago that she built the nest! (see one of the babies below on its first flight out of the nest... didn't seem too scared by Emma's inquisitive presence... and it seemed bigger then I would have thought!!)

The nest sits empty now...

The quest to assert one's Independence is an interesting and complex one... it involves not only the willingness of the one who is to become independent, but also the willingness of the ones who are used to being depended on to let go... It's almost like a delicate dance...

I can't believe that we're already facing this in our parenting journey with our 6-and-a-half-year-old Julia... I've been seeing glimpses of it now and then... wanting to get milk for her 3-year-old persistent sister to help me out while I'm nursing the baby... or wanting to help me with tasks in the house (when it suits her) to show her competency...

The past little while, I've been seeing it at the pool... SHE wants to wash herself in the shower after her lesson (though she wants help once the shampoo gets in her eyes), SHE wants to brush her own hair, and has even been figuring out how to put it up in a ponytail of sorts! She DOESN'T need help to dry herself off or get dressed... certainly not in a dressing room (even if no one else is around)... and she DOESN'T want to be accompanied to the washroom EITHER!

My baby is growing up! It was frustrating for me today, in the moment, to watch her take FOREVER to get herself ready on her own, when I knew I still needed to get home to get supper ready... and I did, by natural instinct (and impatience) jump in there to speed things up a few times to her protest... But then I stepped back and let her be and do her thing... I did have to smile watching her standing behind her younger sister, both looking in the mirror, taking turns with the brush to do their hair... all by themselves...

As we were walking out, I WASN'T allowed to carry the bag with all the swimming stuff... she even reached for the keys and wanted to unlock the van by herself. When I jokingly asked if she wanted to drive home too, she jumped on it, I think for a moment thinking I was serious! When she clued in that I wasn't, she protested "But I know the way home!"... and that's where I draw the line!

The quest for independence... I know that my parents did a wonderful job of giving us wings at an early age... allowing us to feel confident in our own abilities, while always giving us the security of home... We left for the summers to work at camp, and we all left home early as well, most to finish off our high school in the south (for various opportunities). I hope to learn from their example, when so many today seem crippled... either by their parents' refusal to let go, or by their lack of desire or drive to assert their independence and leave the nest, I'm not sure...

I do pray that each of our girls will grow to become wonderful, confident, compassionate, motivated, loving, independent and capable young women... (and the list goes on!) I just didn't think that the process to independence started so early! It truly seems like yesterday when she was just a tiny 6lbs. 11oz. babe in our arms...

We were so clueless as to what was expected of us as parents! I suppose we still are as we keep entering new phases! The learning curve never ends, does it?

Why? Why? Whhhhhy?

I can still hear the lamenting voice crying out. The girls and I were going around the block, the older two on their bikes while I pushed the baby in the stroller. We could hear the haunting voice as we approached not able to make out who or what it was.

The scene was a sad one. An elderly man in his front lawn attempting to do yard work, while having to continually direct his wife on the balcony to sit back down when passerbys would come... she was standing, holding onto the railing looking at us crying out such a heart-wrenching, repeated "Whhhhhy? Whhhhhhy? Whhhhhhy?"

The second time around, the man felt the need to explain when our eyes crossed. I greeted him as I walked by, and he quickly exclaimed "She has Alzheimer's."

"It can't be easy." I responded not sure what to say.

"Not for her!" he replied.

The inevitable questions from my 6 year old abounded... mainly: "What's wrong with her mom?"

And so began a lesson about how people don't just get sick in their bodies, but sometimes people get sick in their brain... their brain doesn't work well like ours anymore... they forget things... even people they love...

We continued on our bike ride, and once we got home, I said "We need to thank God for our health, don't we!?"

She then asked "Will she get better?"

Hmmmm. Another sad lesson to learn... not only can our bodies and our brains get sick... but people don't always get better, in fact sometimes they just keep getting worst.

So my sweet Julia added "Thank God that we only have little bobos that need bandaids and medication and we get better!"

And so we thank God for our physical and mental health today!

A world of hurt

The past year, my senses have truly been heightened to those hurting all around me... close by and abroad... Friends living far from family, unable to return to their home country where they would be persecuted for their faith in Christ... friends with struggling marriages... some facing nasty custody battles and endless legal proceedings and false accusations... too many walking with loved ones through their fight with cancer... friends struck suddenly with inexplicable illnesses that have momentarily and at times permanently rocked their worlds... others struggling with infertility... husbands working far from home... then news of a baby girl (seemingly barely 1 from the photos) battling with stage 4 cancer... and reading the stories of some of the children members of my church's mission trip to Cambodia are encountering...

I have also recently been introduced to the International Justice Mission and have just read a book called "Terrify No More" which tells of their work in Cambodia and around the world to free and seek justice for victims of sex-trafficking and of bonded labour, etc. I'm also finishing a book called "One - A face behind the numbers" where Vaden Earle from Absolute Leadership Development brings to light the injustice that so many in the world face and our need for us to step up, become aware and take action!

All of this has led me to one main response... Why am I so blessed Lord? I have a loving and faithful husband, healthy beautiful children, a lovely spacious home, a tight-knit loving extended family, caring friends and a wonderful church community. We are blessed beyond belief. As I sat the other night praying for those hurting around me and wondering why we are continually blessed, the answer that came was this...

We are blessed so that we may bless others.

We can't respond to others' stories with the fear of illness, injury or accidents striking our family. That response keeps my eyes on me. It's selfish and a useless waste of energy and emotion - though I sometimes have to remind myself. No, I really believe that we are blessed so that we can bless others with our time, our resources, our friendships and our prayers.

I wrote about my desire to teach my kids about compassion back in October... getting their eyes off their own little lives and desires and to recognize the needs of others around them. I think I am the one who has been learning the lesson more than anyone. It's so easy to get consumed by my own busy life and family, with my only worries being paying the bills at the end of the month, getting my kids through their colds and flus and preparing my 3-year old for school in September.

I have been feeling a new and increasing burden to pray for those who cross my path the past while. You know, it's a funny thing to pray more for others. It takes my eyes off me and my troubles as they arise which seem SO BIG when they're my main focus. But as I look to God and trust Him to act in the lives of others, lifting them up in prayer, it builds my faith to remember that God is a powerful God who will take care of my worries which seem to be nothing at all regardless of how bad my day seems!

I am blessed. As John Waller talks about in his song "The Blessing", I can and will choose to be a blessing!

Skating Life Lessons

So my dreams of making skating our family bonding activity for the winter were fast fading away... nearly crashed and burned to be honest... Julia was HATING skating. I guess I wouldn't like it either if the other kids my size (and smaller) were zipping around me on the ice! I wish we had started her sooner... (like her sister who just turned 3 and is starting to move around okay out there! She just gets tired quickly...) We had many pep talks about how we don't quit and give up... we just need to keep trying, even when something is difficult, with practice, it will come and will even seem easy one day (ie. getting up when she fell was the first hurdle... got over that one! But still wasn't convinced that the rest would get any easier or any more fun...). So it was a fight. We took the girls for a family skate one Saturday, and she wouldn't even get ON the ice with us... GREAT! Didn't turn out to be quite the happy family time I had envisioned...


But we still held on, praying that she'd turn the corner and just "get it" one day - (how could she not skate? Her Northern parents have been in skates their entire lives!! It's unthinkable!). I prayed that this whole ordeal would turn into a nice life lesson on perseverance... I was starting to lose hope however... and then last week, it happened! She started working with a teacher one-on-one for a bit at the start of the lesson, and it made ALL the difference in the world! It boosted her confidence, she started to try more and didn't reach out for the teen helpers anymore. This past Saturday she was all too eager to go to the rink for a family skate and this time she didn't want to get off the ice, an hour and a half later! She was so excited when skating night came this week... it's been amazing to see her start to improve a lot now that she believes she can do it. Her attitude has changed, she's having fun, has more confidence and is actually starting to skate a bit!


Phew! I'm glad this has become a bit more of a positive experience... Now we can enjoy the family bonding times on the ice for family skates like I had hoped all along ;)

History in the making

This morning as we were getting ready for school, I had the TV turned on and was half watching the news... reactions about the Obama win... I knew that this was history in the making... the first black President of the United States... I thought I should let my eldest in on this... who knows, it may be one of those things she remembers when she's older, having been there to witness history in the making as a kid.

We first talked about voting... got her to relate by thinking of things they vote for in class - whether they want to play soccer or at the park... she got it and started to offer up all kinds of examples of things they'd voted on in class... this led to the idea that we vote for the people who will lead our country. We in Canada just did that recently, and last night was the United States turn... She was fascinated with lots of questions as she looked at pictures of the new president elect and his family on the TV screen, and asked what our Canadian Prime Minister looked like (more like "is that ours mom?" as she saw different people on the screen).

I think it's important to make our kids aware of world events when we witness history taking place before us! I still remember sitting in my classroom as a kid when the teacher told us about the fall of the Berlin Wall. That stayed with me. We were also given the assignment of asking our parents what major events in history they can remember witnessing in their lives. For some reason, that conversation with my mom across the kitchen counter is a vivid memory still... Kennedy's assassination being one that had stayed with her and a few others (I can't remember... mom, fill in the blanks!).

A black president. This will go right up there with the fall of the Berlin Wall, the end of the Cold War, the terrorist attacks of 9/11 and the worldwide SARS outbreak... amongst others!

What world events do you remember watching as history unfolded before your eyes? Post a comment - let me know!

Doesn't the world revolve around ME?

Well... NO. Two thoughts... First, as kids, we innately seem to have the "me, me, me - mine - I want, I want - NOW" mindset from the start. Though if you (like me) have siblings, reality settles in a bit faster that the world just doesn't work like that... at the very least, you figure it out when you start school... there are in fact other people around and no, its not all about me and my entitlement.

Second thought... we, for the most part, live a life of privilege in North America. I once heard a parent tell the story of their son (living in a beautiful lakefront log home) who at the age of 3 asked a friend: "What lake do you live on?" Doesn't everyone have the same life as me? Why wouldn't a child think that way... unless they're taught (and that boy was sure enlightened that day!)

So, these two thoughts lead me to this... in our highly self-absorbed privileged society, there's a lesson I feel I need to instill in my children... essentially, it's one of compassion... becoming aware of others' needs around us - whether they are poor, sick, oppressed, or just different...

The teachable moments have been quite sporadic in the past years, but seem to be peeking with my oldest daughter these days, and I'm feeling like I've got to seize the moment! We have donated non-perishables to the local food bank and hygienic products and clothes to an inner city church's drop-in center as she's been learning about the needs of others in our community at school and in Sunday school. This will extend nicely into November as I love taking the opportunity to put together a shoe box for Operation Christmas Child - going to the store together to buy NOTHING for us, but only for a child or two in other parts of the world who don't have all that we have... I enjoy watching my daughter thinking about what that child should have, might need, and what might make them happy as we walk down the aisles of the department store. That's been a wonderful experience in the past, though I was so busy with work last year, I totally missed the boat. I'm more on the ball this year!

I also want to make the kids more aware of our sponsored children (one through World Vision and the other through Compassion Canada), reading the letters, writing letters and sending pictures and artwork from the kids... I've ben really slacking on that front... I'd like to put the pictures of the children on our fridge so that we don't so easily forget about them as a family, but rather can begin to pray for them and maybe spark conversations with our kids with a more frequent reminder of those around the world who are less privileged. I think that seeing the faces and drawings of our sponsored children and knowing more about them and where they live (geography lessons while we're at it!) will also make the experience of preparing our Christmas shoe boxes that much more real for them.

There are wonderful opportunities out there to teach our children about compassion. About loving our neighbour (locally and abroad). Recognizing the needs of others and taking action to make a difference. Friends of ours began "Trick or Treat for Hope" which gets the youth in the community involved to collect non-perishables for the local food bank every year at Halloween. There are all kinds of things we can do! I hope to be more intentional about not letting those teachable moments so easily slip by!

At some point, I also want to introduce my children to Craig Kielburger, who at the age of 12 in his home in Canada was hit by the image of a boy on the front page of the newspaper who was in a world of child labour a world away. That sparked a passion in him, and he went to school that day and rallied his friends to care as well. They formed "Free the Children" whose slogan is "children helping children through education". Now in his 20s and a university graduate, he travels as a motivational speaker with his "Be the Change" tour, challenging young people to not sit passively by, but to take action and to make a difference in the world around them.

I think that says it all... "Be the Change". Though my kids may not go on to start international organizations like Craig (though who am I to limit them if they so choose!?), I do want them to learn the importance of loving others and doing what we can to help those in need. Didn't Jesus give us that as as the greatest commandment? LOVE! And what is love if it isn't followed by action?

The slogans for these various organizations are quite powerful...

"The power of a simple gift" - Operation Christmas Child by Samaritan's Purse

"Change a life, Change your own" - World Vision

"Releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name" - Compassion Canada

"Be the change" - Free the children

All of these are calling for us to take action! I also love this quote from Helen Keller (who was blind and deaf) "I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."

No, it's not all about me... An important lesson to learn (and more importantly to remember!) It's all too natural for me to have my selfish tendencies creep in at a moment's notice... to become absorbed in my own little fast-paced North-American life and my own "little" problems and forget altogether about the needs of those around us... As a teacher, I've always found that I learn best when I have to teach something... maybe that's what I'm hoping for as I long to be more intentional about teaching my children about compassion. BE the change, what a revolutionary concept.