Tough Week

This week was a tough one on this working mom.

I've been back to work for a few weeks now, but this week was my 4-year-old-today's first full week of school (full days, five days a week in Jr Kindergarten), as well as my 14 month old's first full week at the daycare.

The first few days kept getting progressively worst... each morning started with me having to peel one off me to get her on the school bus. The crying and screaming would start before we left the house with her wanting to stay home with me and me replying "BUT MOMMY'S NOT EVEN STAYING HOME! I'm going to work!" Ugh...

It continued right until I literally had to plonk her on the front seat of the bus beside her poor concerned older sister (the bus driver later assured me that she was fine once the bus got going).

Thankfully at the end of the day a smiling girl came off the bus after a great day (she just seems to forget that come morning).

My baby's pick-ups at the end of the day... another blow to a mamma's psyche... she didn't want to have anything to do with me! All too happy when I'd drop her off, and crying when she saw me at the end of the day, reaching to be back into the daycare provider's arms... OUCH! One day she even ran over to ANOTHER child's mom, crawled up on her lap to give HER some cuddles... HELLO!? I get that you're mad that I'm abandoning you all day, but I'M YOUR MAMMA!!! Ugh...

Tough to see your baby not want you after having been away all day... It's safe to say that this mamma wishes she could just stay home and take care of her baby herself and put an end to this crazy attachment confusion! At least I know she's happy and well cared for when I'm not with her... but still... tough for a mom to take (my first two didn't do that quite so blatantly! And no, dropping of #3 at the daycare isn't much easier then dropping off your first... it's still tough! At least I know that its going to get better).

The adjustment period is just not always fun is all... It's accompanied with a heavy heart and a good dose of mom guilt.

How I love my girls and long for the slower pace of life which allowed me to put everything else on hold so that I could enjoy my days with them - we had such an amazing spring and summer together!

I now find myself having to cram a lot of house and computer work into my weekends which creeps into my quality time with the kids and leaving me impatient... I'll have to figure that out somehow!

For now, I pray a lot... for our girls... for wisdom and efficiency in how I spend my time... and for me to always remember what's most important in my days when I'm feeling pulled in 1001 directions: my family.

For now I'm thankful that on my birthday at the end of this past week, I had a better day with the girls... drop-offs and pick-ups... And as an aside, another up to my week was that my nearly-7-year-old was intent on my birthday being special. She insisted that we go out to dinner to celebrate and that my husband bring home roses for me. (It's nice to know that at least one of my girls isn't mad at me right now!)

I'm praying for a better week to come for our little family!

Oct. 1st Update:

Its been nearly a week since I wrote the above entry. We're nearing the end of week 2 of one in full-time daycare and the other in full-time JK, and I must say its been a much better week then last week! I'm happy to say that there have been no tears at the bus stop in the mornings, and no tears for the pick-up at the daycare at the end of the day... I'm SO THANKFUL!!! What a change from last week let me tell you... I though I was going to lose my mind.

It's always an adjustment period wen I head back to work, let alone one starting school and another in daycare... the adjustment is not over, there will still be rough days (and this week has been rough in other ways... sickness and constant running with early mornings and very late nights trying to fit everything in... ) but its worlds better then last week with the girls, and I think next week will be even better on all fronts! LOTS OF PRAYER continues to sustain me and our family... and hopefully I can catch up on sleep soon ;)

Starting off the Day

This morning as I lay in bed, I could hear my 6-year-old daughter singing quietly to herself in her bed. What a great way to start the day. I much prefer when she wakes up singing then when I have to wake her up, exhausted on a school day, and she's whining and complaining that she's too tired to get up yet... I choose singing over whining any day of the week! (if only it were my choice to make)

I do have other choices to make that affect my mornings though... will I press snooze, which results in a rushed morning to get myself ready and everyone up and going too... will I eat breakfast right away as I feed the girls, or will I get busy with 1001 tasks only to realize that I'm grumpy because I still haven't eaten (I don't function well without breakfast)... and the one which has the greatest impact on my day: will I sit and take a moment to read my Bible as I eat breakfast before I rush off and continue with the rest of my day (before or after the kids have eaten)...

Why is that last one so significant? Because I find that reading my Bible in the morning sets me up for a better day. It gets me refocused, invites God into my day from the start, and leads to a heart of prayer as I sit in the car driving to work, or doing tasks around the house - praying for my husband, my girls, friends, family, etc. In short, it puts life in perspective and reminds me that God is with me through each moment of my day.

I find that I've not been starting off my day right the past while, and I've been feeling it... impatience... rushing from one task to the next feeling like I'm not getting ahead... I have had seasons where I can pour into deeper studies, and others where I can barely get to just read a brief devotional with reflections written by various people based on a short passage. I'm in a busy season, and knowing that I've been missing the mark too often in past months, I'm back to picking up a devotional, though light, it at least is a start to get me focused in the morning and is better then nothing!

So I may not be able to choose if my daughter will wake up singing or cranky, but I can choose to take even just a minute to refocus my day by reaching for God's Word. What a difference it makes to my day!

Back to Work

So here it is... the moment you block out of your mind while on maternity leave (at least I do!)... the time has come for me to return to work...

I was back last week, but full swing next week with classes starting. I'm thankful that I'll be part-time (for the first time in my life) and have a more flexible morning schedule to be there for the girls before school and daycare. Ah... daycare... it always plays a number on my mind to put one of my babes in daycare... until we get settled and everyone gets accustomed and happy in our new routines. I'll also be there for them as they hop off the bus, so that works out wonderfully!

The first thing I find myself doing is selecting the perfect pictures to print off to have with me at school. It's so easy to get busy with work and not notice it taking over... I don't want to forget my girls in my days and that they need me more than any of my students do. I've learned over time that my only role where I am NOT replaceable is that of being a MOM to my 3 daughters. So when work and other responsibilities start creeping in, I want to remember all the fun we've had this summer so that I continue to prioritize making more time for my girls and family fun during the year when life is busy.

So here we go... another year at work... I already miss my girls. I already missed out on the beautiful sunny days last week and it drives me nuts! And I don't like that I'm turning the computer on again on a more regular basis... I LOVED the break I took this summer from working on the computer!

Speaking of the computer... I am also thankful for the help I've had with Mom's Moments in all the planning that took place last spring, so that I can keep up my newly expanded editing role there without it overwhelming me throughout the year. Great topics and people lined up to write for Mom's Moments and Deeper... I'm excited about that... stay tuned for the latest at www.momsmoments.ca (or rather just subscribe so you don't miss a thing and get an email every 2 months with what's new)!

I have a full plate this year... I pray that I can keep it all in balance! I'm feeling pretty good about it all so far with scaling back to being part-time, but I know it won't be easy to keep it all in check! I would give anything to be home full time... but its not an option for our family at the moment! Such is life... In the meantime, I'm praying for wisdom, PATIENCE, and energy so that I can keep up with everything while not missing out on the important things in life!

Where things go...

Yesterday, we were driving on a country road to go visit a friend in her new home when we went by a dump site. It had high mountains of crushed metal scraps... my 2nd grader was HORRIFIED! Our exchange went something like this...

"Why do they leave that there like that Mom?" she said with passion and extreme concern for this urgent situation.

"What do you want them to do with the garbage, love?" I asked.

"Not just leave it on the Earth!!!"

So on went the discussion as we kept driving about what happens with the things we throw in the garbage. Her response:

"I'm NEVER throwing ANYTHING out again!!"

My response: "Well we better stop buying things too then because it always results in more things needing to be thrown out in the end - packaging, broken things...!"

Well, that was ridiculously over the top to her... and there lies the problem. We are so comfortable in our wasteful lifestyles that any major sacrifice to address the serious issue of waste management becomes a difficult one to tackle on a personal level! It's easy to remain ignorant (I'm not preaching but rather including myself in here) when we don't often see it like we did yesterday and we just see our garbage picked up at the curve to go to some distant land we don't think much of...

And so we continue to live our lives, my daughter with a new awareness of the problem our wastefulness causes for the environment, and perhaps we'll get better and better as a family and a society to make smarter decisions about what we buy and discard.

Side note: For one, I've become much more aware of the amount of waste packaging produces... so that influences what products I put in the shopping cart... ie. I've never liked toilet paper and paper towel that are individually wrapped within their larger package... so much plastic! Now I'm noticing other packaging too... like juice boxes and water bottles... we've been bad for that because they're so convenient and recyclable... but they're still waste that need to be processed and that could be avoided... And what a movement to see all major grocery stores in our area push reusable bags and charge for the plastic ones now! I wonder when other retail stores will follow suit?

You know, my daughter's disgust at those mountains of scrap metal and garbage was a great reminder to me about how desensitized I've become about the whole situation... I truly should feel more of the urgency she did yesterday in the face of the blatant problem of waste management.