The Quest for Independence

A robin built its nest in our doorway this spring.

It's been neat to watch the hovering mom always on the lookout as we'd carefully pass by, hoping she wouldn't dive bomb us in an act to protect her young! Thankfully, we were able to coexist without incident.

We started to see little heads popping up as she would bring them worms to eat, then just last week, the babes left the nest... it doesn't seem like that long ago that she built the nest! (see one of the babies below on its first flight out of the nest... didn't seem too scared by Emma's inquisitive presence... and it seemed bigger then I would have thought!!)

The nest sits empty now...

The quest to assert one's Independence is an interesting and complex one... it involves not only the willingness of the one who is to become independent, but also the willingness of the ones who are used to being depended on to let go... It's almost like a delicate dance...

I can't believe that we're already facing this in our parenting journey with our 6-and-a-half-year-old Julia... I've been seeing glimpses of it now and then... wanting to get milk for her 3-year-old persistent sister to help me out while I'm nursing the baby... or wanting to help me with tasks in the house (when it suits her) to show her competency...

The past little while, I've been seeing it at the pool... SHE wants to wash herself in the shower after her lesson (though she wants help once the shampoo gets in her eyes), SHE wants to brush her own hair, and has even been figuring out how to put it up in a ponytail of sorts! She DOESN'T need help to dry herself off or get dressed... certainly not in a dressing room (even if no one else is around)... and she DOESN'T want to be accompanied to the washroom EITHER!

My baby is growing up! It was frustrating for me today, in the moment, to watch her take FOREVER to get herself ready on her own, when I knew I still needed to get home to get supper ready... and I did, by natural instinct (and impatience) jump in there to speed things up a few times to her protest... But then I stepped back and let her be and do her thing... I did have to smile watching her standing behind her younger sister, both looking in the mirror, taking turns with the brush to do their hair... all by themselves...

As we were walking out, I WASN'T allowed to carry the bag with all the swimming stuff... she even reached for the keys and wanted to unlock the van by herself. When I jokingly asked if she wanted to drive home too, she jumped on it, I think for a moment thinking I was serious! When she clued in that I wasn't, she protested "But I know the way home!"... and that's where I draw the line!

The quest for independence... I know that my parents did a wonderful job of giving us wings at an early age... allowing us to feel confident in our own abilities, while always giving us the security of home... We left for the summers to work at camp, and we all left home early as well, most to finish off our high school in the south (for various opportunities). I hope to learn from their example, when so many today seem crippled... either by their parents' refusal to let go, or by their lack of desire or drive to assert their independence and leave the nest, I'm not sure...

I do pray that each of our girls will grow to become wonderful, confident, compassionate, motivated, loving, independent and capable young women... (and the list goes on!) I just didn't think that the process to independence started so early! It truly seems like yesterday when she was just a tiny 6lbs. 11oz. babe in our arms...

We were so clueless as to what was expected of us as parents! I suppose we still are as we keep entering new phases! The learning curve never ends, does it?

Mom knows best?

My husband starts school on Monday. In 12 months he'll be a paramedic! It's kind of a career change, but not a surprising one... he's worked a lot with youth in camp ministry, in the business world and in the fire service. Bottom line, he loves people, is a problem-solver, has a cool head in a crisis and thrives on that adrenaline rush. My mother-in-law couldn't be happier about this... she says that she's been after him to do this since he was a little boy! I guess moms really do know their kids.

I'm a high school teacher, and I'd have to say that one of the things that angers me the most is when students are told (by whomever - guidance counselors, teachers, parents, coaches...) that they will NEVER be able to do this or that... I grew up with a dad who used to tell me that the world was my stage. That I could do whatever I put my mind to. I vividly remember back in high school when my university applications were due... I had no idea where to apply or what to study. I pleaded with my dad to just tell me what I should do!! But he wouldn't. He said that this was one thing I'd have to figure out on my own... that got me thinking about what I really loved, and learning about the life around me and kids were two of those things - so off I went to study Biology while in the concurrent education program (allowing me to get both my undergraduate and teaching degrees).

I think the reason why I'm so bothered when people come down on kids and teens is because I do think that people can do what they put their minds to. Just take my husband and I for example... I was the straight A high school student... he was far from it... I did okay in university and worked hard... he went back to do an undergraduate degree in the health sciences earlier in our marriage and was way surpassing the majority of my university grades with marks mostly in the 80s and even some in the 90s! If you'd asked his high school teachers if they saw that in him back in the day... they probably would have said NEVER! Just goes to say that we need to believe in our kids. Looking at our own girls, who knows what they'll choose to do with their lives down the road... as much as my 6-year old enjoyed taking out her "doctor's kit" to care for me when I was sick yesterday (with her stethoscope and many needles!), in all honesty, I know that when she faces a crisis and sees any type of blood or trauma, she goes into panic/hysteria mode. So I'm guessing that she might not have her daddy's aptitude for the medical field or emergency services... having said that, I'm not going to start telling her that she could never be a doctor. Who knows how she'll develop and grow and mature over time!? I pray that God gives my girls direction and wisdom as they grow up (Colossians 1:9-14), and in the meantime, we are doing our best to help them to discover and develop their strengths and God-given gifts. The most important thing is that our kids know that we believe in them and that God has a plan for their lives (Jeremiah 29:11-13) then the possibilities are endless... I've seen what otherwise unmotivated students can do when they begin to see that you believe in them. It changes everything.

"Let's tell our young people

that the best books are yet to be written;

the best paintings have not yet been painted;

the best governments are yet to be formed;

the best is yet to be done by them."

- John Erskine

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

I love this time of year! I have to admit, that I wasn't quite ready to start decorating as early as my daughters were with so many other loose ends I was hoping to wrap up first... which led to a not as "magical" gingerbread house experience... I was in the middle of something else, but this COULDN'T wait!!!! The walls weren't staying up with all the little hands in there... the icing wasn't cooperating too well... my frustration levels were up and I could hear a little voice telling me that this isn't quite how this moment is supposed to be!! It's supposed to be a wonderfully fun loving bonding experience with the kids! Well, I blew it with my impatience on that one last weekend... but now that I've knocked many things off my list that had my head spinning, I've regrouped and am back in the swing of things!



We came back to the gingerbread house to decorate it - much more pleasant experience! We got the lights up on the house and the tree up... This has always been one of my favourite parts of Christmas! As a Northern Ontario girl, I grew up going out in the ski-doo (snowmobile) or on snow shoes with my sibblings to find the "perfect" Charlie Brown tree in the bush to bring home... (you see, not too many trees out in the actual forest look perfect... there were always big bald spots in the trees leaving extra room for dangling decorations... or we'd have to hide that side in the corner to hide it... but we (the kids and my dad anyway) loved our trees! We were mad the first year my mom bought one, well at least I was!) Regardless, the smell, the sticky sap, trimming it down to fit in the house, then trying to get it to stand straight, first stringing the lights, then the mish mash of ornaments we'd collected over the years - home made and bought ... I've always loved every bit of putting up the Christmas tree! My parents used to wait until the last few days before Christmas for us to come home from school to take part in the tradition each year! It brings back fond memories with my sibblings (and many ski-doos stuck in the snow!)




Unsure of whether we were staying put or heading off to visit family this year... up went the artificial pre-lit tree ... (tough for this northern girl to admit... but to my surprise it looks pretty good!) It's decorated with our own mish mash of ornaments collected over the years - some gifts, some bought, some made by the kids - or by us as kids!... Julia would get annoyed at her younger sister for putting 3 ornaments on the same branch, but for some reason, no fighting could get to me that day... (unlike the gingerbread house experience... which is foreign to me growing up!)... this is different... I just soaked it in and enjoyed doing that with the girls - bringing back lots of memories... I do look forward to having a real tree in the house again! (I miss the smell! I guess I'll have to light candles this year - not the same... I know...), regardless, the tradition lives on in our family (minus the heading off into the bush... I don't think it'll ever be quite like that again! Tree farms with their perfectly manicured trees just aren't the same - even if you do get to cut it down yourself! - and no, I've never felt guilty about cutting down a tree for Christmas... I've planted thousands upon thousands of trees during my university years as a summer job!)


I always find such a void in January when all the decorations are gone... the house looks so EMPTY! For now, it's warm and awesome! Still a work in progress, but it's coming and I love it ;)

History in the making

This morning as we were getting ready for school, I had the TV turned on and was half watching the news... reactions about the Obama win... I knew that this was history in the making... the first black President of the United States... I thought I should let my eldest in on this... who knows, it may be one of those things she remembers when she's older, having been there to witness history in the making as a kid.

We first talked about voting... got her to relate by thinking of things they vote for in class - whether they want to play soccer or at the park... she got it and started to offer up all kinds of examples of things they'd voted on in class... this led to the idea that we vote for the people who will lead our country. We in Canada just did that recently, and last night was the United States turn... She was fascinated with lots of questions as she looked at pictures of the new president elect and his family on the TV screen, and asked what our Canadian Prime Minister looked like (more like "is that ours mom?" as she saw different people on the screen).

I think it's important to make our kids aware of world events when we witness history taking place before us! I still remember sitting in my classroom as a kid when the teacher told us about the fall of the Berlin Wall. That stayed with me. We were also given the assignment of asking our parents what major events in history they can remember witnessing in their lives. For some reason, that conversation with my mom across the kitchen counter is a vivid memory still... Kennedy's assassination being one that had stayed with her and a few others (I can't remember... mom, fill in the blanks!).

A black president. This will go right up there with the fall of the Berlin Wall, the end of the Cold War, the terrorist attacks of 9/11 and the worldwide SARS outbreak... amongst others!

What world events do you remember watching as history unfolded before your eyes? Post a comment - let me know!

A Family Pet

When I first met my husband, he had this beautiful little Alaskan Malamute puppy, just a few months old. For this girl who never had a pet in her life growing up (other than horses on the farm up the road... not quite house pets!), the prospect of having a 130 pound dog in my house two years later when we were looking at getting married freaked me out! All that dog hair to vacuum, pet hair on our clothes when we went out, cleaning up the backyard after the dog... I wasn't too excited about the idea! But it was firmly made clear that the dog was part of the package!

Well, I fell in love with our Malamute. He quickly became MY dog. I fed him, brushed him, walked him every day on the hiking trails around where we lived, took him cross-country skiing in the winter. His commanding presence kept me feeling safe when my husband was out of town for work. He was beautiful! We sadly had to say goodbye to him when our first born was just under a year old. Once we had more kids, I couldn't imagine adding a new dog to the clan...

My eldest has had a fear of dogs since she was a toddler, but in the past few months has started asking for a dog (knowing that a cat is out of the question with her dad's allergy... which would probably have been her first choice). We just added a new baby to the family... I can't imagine having to take care of a dog on top of the kids right now!

We got our first family pets today... Betta fish. No dog... but my birthday girl was extremely happy to have a pet to take care of (one for her younger sister too). Everyone wins! (and she already knows that fish don't live forever... her friend in school was sad when he lost his dog and was now getting a new one, so she gets that pets don't live forever... bonus!)

Better believe it!

If you're a mom, let me ask you this... Do you ever have those moments when you just think to yourself "I can't believe I'm a mom!" I have these moments periodically... It's usually when I check on the kids at night before I crawl into bed and see them sleeping so peacefully, or when I'm doing dishes or folding the never ending pile of clothes (is it just me? I just can't keep up! I digress) it can hit me as I work and watch them playing well together, or when one of them says something so sweet (and at times deep - out of the mouths of babes!)... it's in those near perfect moments that it just hits me... I can't believe I'm a mom! (okay - my kids aren't always perfect... but it's usually a safe bet when they're sleeping!) In the less perfect or otherwise rushed moments, I'm too busy dealing with whatever is going on... doesn't lend itself to these pensive times!

I can still picture myself at home with my parents as a little girl with THEM being the parents, and my mom having all the answers and just the perfect words of encouragement to calm me as I cried about problems with friends or whatever it might be... but now it's my turn! How time FLIES! Okay, maybe I haven't mastered how to remove every and any kind of stain out of clothes yet... or I'm not a seasoned chef either (yet - that's for another blog entry!)... but I do hear myself saying things that my mom used to tell me... and I find myself making "mom" type decisions about whether it's time to start piano lessons or to take the school bus, or I see myself cherishing those quiet moments at the bedside when my 1st grader ponders her day, shares her fears and worries and asks a thousand and one questions... I can vividly remember my mom and I having many chats with her sitting on the edge of my bed as I had difficulty falling asleep. I don't want to be too rushed and miss those moments - it's too easy for me to get frustrated at bedtime when the calls for me come down the stairs from their bedrooms when I don't FEEL like heading up there AGAIN!

I'm a mom. Yep! It's my turn! Not only am I a mom, but I'm a mom with 3 children and I've been married a year and a bit shy of a decade! Time really does fly. Even though I'm not a little girl anymore, I am glad that my mom's still my mom. She's still a great sounding board and gives good advice when I ask for it... I'm thankful for our chats and times together then and now as I continue to learn about how to become a better mom as my girls grow up.

I'm so very thankful for my beautiful family and I pray that God would continue to mold me into being the mom that He wants me to be.

The Birthday Party Frenzy

My 1st grader has already had countless invitations to birthday parties this year, and its just October! Bowling, rock climbing, Zooz (jungle-theme play gym), gymnastics gym, the public pool... you name it! Birthdays seem to go way overboard these days... there's the family party, the school friends party, the neighbourhood friends party... cupcakes for school... add the pile of gifts they accumulate at these parties where the entire class is invited, and it gets to be ridiculous!

Growing up, I don't remember us ever having birthday parties. In fact, I actually only remember one friend, Stephanie, ever having a party for our entire class at her house. We ate mini-pizzas on english muffins (or were they bagels?) and played some party games. I haven't forgotten because it was the only one I can remember attending as a kid! Okay, maybe we had the odd sleepover with a couple of girlfriends... but that was about it. The tradition in our home (of 5 kids) was that on our birthday, we got to pick our favourite meal which mom would prepare (mine being spaghetti), then we had cake (we usually all wanted the store-bought chocolate McCain Deep 'n Delicious cakes - two stacked one on top of the other - though my sister liked the marbled chocolate/vanilla cake - and I can remember requesting angel cake a few times - one year it had sticky marshmellow icing - yum!). We could also usually invite one or two of our friends to join us around the dinner table... and that was about it! And it was enough to make us feel special. (I don't remember the friends bringing gifts either... it wasn't about that!) That was OUR special day. I love the simplicity of it all...

Now that I have my own kids, I'm trying to resist the unreasonably overboard birthday party craze which seems to have settled in as "normal" these days... My 3 year-old and I both celebrated our birthdays together last month with a quiet family dinner and cake, joined by grandma. In the past, we've usually kept our family birthdays low key, inviting a few neighbourhood friends over for a BBQ maybe, or just for cake and to play (usually with a homemade chocolate cake decorated with flowers made out of smarties). Last year, for the first time, we actually had a little party for my eldest. She was allowed 5 school friends for her 5th birthday. We played games, had pizza and cake and had one of her friends stay longer for a special birthday play-date (because I knew she'd freak out once they all left and the day wasn't over yet!)...

So this year, as her 6th birthday approaches next week, she's allowed 6 friends and has been planning for weeks! My girls have moments when they struggle with it being "NOT FAIR" when it's one's birthday and not the other's... I'm trying to teach them that there's nothing fair or unfair about it! We just each have our turns and have to wait an entire year before its our turn again! If only birthdays came around more often... or NOT! Regardless, it's finally her turn, and let me tell you, my organized party planner is MORE than ready!

Happy Birthday my sweet!

When did we all get so busy?

In a parenting series at our church, Rocky Dundas, one of the pastors at the time, said something that I found truly profound. He spoke of kids today being in essence "experience rich, but relationship poor." Wow. It rung true for me on so many levels and has stayed with me over a year and a half later.

I see it all the time as a high school teacher... students are no longer content doing one activity at a time... they have overlapping seasons of volleyball, indoor soccer, intertube waterpolo, plus music and drama and part-time jobs... and then they say that we give too much homework! Dare I say that maybe they're taking on too much so that there's no time left FOR homework?? (just a thought). I don't remember us being that busy as teens!? And I've always been pretty outgoing!

The problem is not only that kids (young ones too) and their parents are constantly racing everwhere to get to something, but that families now consist of individuals with such different schedules and interests, that they barely meet at the dinner table, let alone to cross paths on weekends...

This idea of experience rich and relationship poor kids is a concept that hits a bit closer to home now that my daughters are growing into the age of participating in more activities (swimming, dance, skating). I look down the road, and wonder if it's wise to put them in this or that... I don't want to set them up to have one activity take over, nor do I want them out 4 times a week from one activity to the next! I aim for one night a week (two MAX). This fall in particular, I've really found myself examining and weighing what activities we were considering for our 1st grader.

I reluctantly put her in dance (that's for a whole other post!). By far, the highlight of my week is Wednesday night skating. We were able to get both our 3 and 6 year-olds on the ice at the same time (in different age groups of course - though their ability levels are equal! They're both just starting out...) I think my husband and I will end up enjoying this as an unofficial date night, sitting in the stands, watching both girls! Finding an activity that they can do at the same time is a step in the right direction I think...

My dream is that we could find family activities that we can enjoy together, like my family did growing up. There are 5 of us kids, and we spent every weekend staying at my grandmother's 1.5 hrs. away to go skiing. We also had horses and spent much time at the barn up the road with them. We have many great memories together and all 5 of us are still very close (despite our differences and the great geographical spread between us!) I long for that closeness between my girls as they grow up. For this winter, I hope that skating can become our family activity to practice with the girls on weekends...

Is it too idealistic in today's day and age for a family to still enjoy activities together instead of always running in opposite directions as the kids get older? I hope not. It's my dream. Idealistic or not.