Twitter - A Game Changer

Okay, so I may really be behind in the game, but I just finally took the jump and discovered Twitter.  I have an account that I keep more professional as a teacher tweeting or mostly retweeting things that hit me in the world of education, politics, science, social justice, the environment, etc.

I also just created a more personal one where I tweet, retweet things with respect to motherhood, marriage and faith as a continuation of www.MomsMoments.ca.  @DeeperMoments.

Its amazing to have so much information at my fingertips!  Twitter makes it so much easier to scan the news, see and easily share what authors and speakers I respect are tweeting and blogging about when I just have a few minutes on my cell.  I'm not one to sit on the home computer very much because frankly, there's not enough time in the day, so I otherwise am terrible at keeping up with blogs or randomly searching online for anything at all.

But Twitter... well... that's a game changer.  Its opened up a whole new level of awareness of the world, of innovation, of encouragement, challenging me to continue to be  more intentional in motherhood, marriage and faith, as well as a teacher and human being in today's society!

If you haven't already, check out Twitter and see the world come to you rather then you having to feel in the dark because there's no time to keep up with what's going on in the world!

See you on Twitter!  @DeeperMoments

Mélanie

The 100/0 Principle

Do you have a relationship in your life that you are ready to give up on? You're so frustrated with the person you don't know why you even bother?

Well, we all know the golden rule:

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

But its not always so easy to live out when we face frustrating people that make us want to throw our arms up in the air...

So what do we do? Give up? Is the relationship worth all your effort when it feels like they're giving you nothing back?

The golden rule was summed up in practical ways in this 100/0 Principle that really resonated with me. Its meant for the relationships that you feel truly matter... whether it be a coworker you just need to get along with because you work so closely together... a friend... a sibling... an in-law... a spouse... whatever relationship you find yourself in that might be strained at the moment.

Check out this brief video to see what its all about... you'll get the idea.

The 100/0 Principle - see this brief video to get the gist of it.

Relationships that matter are worth the time and effort. I truly believe it. We need faith that things can and will change. I do... do you?

Marriages need protection!

In November, my husband and I were in Vancouver for his graduation from the Arrow Leadership Program. During that time, we took part in 1-day marriage seminars which was awesome and we still have things to debrief from that time together! I left there very encouraged about the state of our marriage and of our communication as a couple.

Oh how much we have grown over the last 10 years of marriage! Has it already been that long?? Crazy. (we celebrate our anniversary in a few months!) Making more time for fun as a couple and family being a priority on what to improve upon as we wrap up a crazy busy year of me back to work and a husband in school... We look forward to a change of pace in the coming months but in the meantime we continue to steal time away for quality time together and the girls and I have been doing a lot of skating to get outdoors while daddy is studying!

Back from Vancouver, I was already thinking about marriage when I was once again reminded of how important it is to PROTECT our marriages, investing in our relationship with our spouse instead of so easily taking it for granted, as I recently heard the crushing news of another marriage going south. I took this news hard... this was a family I was once very close to in my younger days... I was SHOCKED at the news and the circumstances. And it just reinforced the fact that we MUST invest in our marriages and do all we can to protect them. The greatest gift we can ever give our kids is to keep our marriages strong... It is clear once again as the kids in that family are now left in the balance trying to figure out life in light of their new hurtful circumstances... tough way to begin a new year...

In all of that, I am more thankful then ever for my awesome husband. We are SO blessed with our beautiful children. I continue to commit to being intentional in loving my husband and family well... (read Nicolle Huggins' article in the Feb/March 2010 issue of Mom's Moments for more on that! - coming soon!)

Flying Solo... and Away

Last week my husband left for Vancouver for the week for the fourth and last session of a 2-year program.  I found myself flying solo on the homefront juggling the girls and work.  I have written about being Home Alone before... Though this time around I had work and puking kids thrown into the mix... that being said, I had more help then ever to care for my sick babe while I rushed off to work, and as a bonus, was pleasantly surprised by the meals I had prepared and hidden in the freezer for times such as this!  So I didn't really feel that alone after all.

I think I was more in overdrive mode as I prepared to go from flying solo, to flying away where I would be meeting my husband out west mid-week for 4 days for his graduation from the Arrow Leadership Program.  It was the first time EVER that our 3 girls would be left alone (without either mom or dad).  My mother-in-law stepped up and was an amazing help with the girls and carried on their school and weekday routine, and had a Saturday with them too. And thankfully my 16-month old was over her flu before I left (and the rest of us didn't catch it!)  

Now it's an interesting thing to prepare for your absence... it entails making many detailed plans and lists for those who will essentially be doing your job while you're away.  I've always said that its so much more work to prepare work for a supply teacher then to be there to teach it yourself... (so true - plans are so much more detailed... and there are only certain types of work you can leave to be done when you're not there to teach...)

How much more true is this on the home front!  Detailed lists for my mother-in-law about swimming lessons and speech therapy appointments, birthday parties, homework and school lunches... Notes for the teachers... Thankfully, I am a highly organized person who did much of the planning ahead of time, so the night before, I just had to look out for myself, pack my bags (and of course comfort crying girls who weren't too excited about me leaving early morn.)

Actually, my 7-year old spoke words that haunted me until I got back... She said she was used to daddy being away as he's had one-week trips before, but I NEVER leave her!  She was afraid she would NEVER see me again... YIKES!  Just what a mom wants to hear as she's about to step onto a plane for a 4-hr flight... We'd worked out a deal, when we were sad and missed each other, we would send each other emails (as time-change wouldn't always allow for us to talk in those moments).  The girls did great and my husband and I had a wonderful time together, and I'm so thankful for my mother-in-law!! (I even got a reorganized pantry, etc. out of the deal!)

We flew back in the wee hours of the morning and were woken up early Sunday morning after 4 hours of sleep by 3 girls SO excited to see us... and yes, I was dying to see my girls too... I've never been away from them for that long!  (I thankfully got to nap in the afternoon after letting my husband sleep-in in the morning!)

Now I'm a few days back into the swing of things at school... we're all sick and coughing like CRAZY.  And despite fighting with my middle-child (who has her daddy's stubborn streak) this morning trying to get her ready for school... it's sure nice to be home.

I missed my girls (and the sunshine... does it truly ever NOT rain in Vancouver?? - that's another story...)  I must say that it was such a blessing to sneak that time away with my man... SO AWESOME and I miss him so much this week after having been with him for 4 days straight!

Letting Men Be Men

Every Wednesday, Sheila Wray Gregoire (author and speaker at marriage conferences), writes about marriage (Wifey Wednesdays) on her blog To Love, Honor and Vacuum. I thought I'd join in on the discussion again today, this time on "Letting Men Be Men" and the differences between men and women... It's just so important to work on keeping our marriages strong, so here I go talking about marriage again...!

In her blog, Sheila talks about her husband being away on a trip with the guys... When we were first married, I didn't get the fact that my man needed so much time with the guys... my dad wasn't like that. He was highly dedicated to our family and worked two full-time jobs... didn't leave room for hanging out with the guys much, though I don't think he would have wanted to. He's a busy man, always on the go. Now my husband is also a motivated go-getter, and dedicated to his family, but I've realized that he's not exactly like my dad, and he's also very different then me in certain respects!

A few things I've had to learn since being married... First, my man LOVES to sleep and has the ability to do so at any time of the day... I've never been one to nap... (until I had kids... and I still rarely nap!). Our girls know that daddy loves to sleep! That will bode well for his starting shift-work in the fall, so that's turned out to be a good thing. However, I, being more of a "sleeping-in-the-day-is-a-waste-of-time-when-there's-so-much-to-do" mind set, took a while to get that we're wired differently, and that's okay. He can nap after school before dinner and wake up refreshed to study in the evening... I'd just wake up groggier, and probably wouldn't fall asleep knowing how much work I have waiting for me anyways!

The second thing I learned (now a bit more on topic!) was that just as friends have always been important to me, so are they to him. And apparently, guys don't talk the same when women are around... I get that now. He has some truly awesome friends. Some that he can just relax and unwind with, and some that he can be real with and talk openly about what's going on in life. I would agree with Sheila that not every guy has that... but women sure are more likely to have a number of girlfriends they can call to vent to when needed!

So when I see him burned out from work (or school at the moment), and he mentions the idea of golfing with a few buds and maybe going out for chicken wings afterwards... I DO want him to go! I'd never want to hear him talk like I've heard other guys, saying "their wives won't let them..." What am I, his ball and chain? I don't think so. I know it's an outlet for him when his brain is fried (his words). Those times with buds, or the guys in our neighbourhood or his brothers/uncles/cousins are few and far in between, so it would take a lot for me to step in to hold him back.

As long as family comes first, that he prioritizes making it home to join us at the dinner table and has some time with all 4 of his girls (me included) on a daily basis... what's a night out now and then? Or an extended golf or snowmobiling trip? Again, too few and far in between, and I get that my man is wired like that. He thrives on that guy time!

Case in point: when at home, though we have a beautiful new deck out back, he tends to be hanging out in the front so that he can be social with our friends in the court as they come and go. The guys will spontaneously pull up a chair and gather in our driveway or garage now and then... he loves that. And the girls love playing with sidewalk chalk or riding their bikes in the court while he's sitting out front, studying or making calls... it works out! But I get that about him. I didn't at first... but so important that I do now! We're actually talking about building some sort of a seating area in the front so he's not always just sitting in the driveway or the garage!! (What is it with men and their garages? It's okay, I'm cool with that!)

Life would be pretty boring if we were all wired the same wouldn't it be?

Happy Birthday J! Glad you'll always be older then me ;)

The Early Years of Marriage

Every Wednesday, Sheila Wray Gregoire (author and speaker at marriage conferences), writes about marriage (Wifey Wednesdays) on her blog To Love, Honor and Vacuum. I thought I'd join in on the discussion today on "What It Means to Become One" - the idea being that yes "two shall become one" when they marry... but you don't always "feel" as ONE instantaneously. So, what does it mean to become one?

Last weekend, driving to a family wedding, I was telling my husband J.D. how exciting and scary a wedding day can be! So much time, money and preparation spent on the one day, with the hopes that we'll be the ones to overcome the odds and have a marriage that lasts forever. Scary stuff that will make anyone nervous! The wedding was beautiful, and the poor groom fainted during the vows. There was never any question that he deeply loves his bride as they've always made a dynamo team. But it did confirm my thoughts not even 1 hour before... marriage is a scary thing in our society at the outset regardless of who you are!

When J.D. and I were first married, I quickly realized that we communicated VERY differently. I lay it all out there... I speak before I think... rather, I speak to figure out what I'm thinking... I don't hold anything back... whereas he would speak up when he felt he had it all figured out - which was not often enough to my liking. It used to infuriate me that he could be so open with others, but had a hard time with me for some reason... it drove me nuts that he wouldn't let me in on the "process" as he was working through whatever it was... oh and the insecurities and questions that crept in on my end...

I think the best "you-really-don't-get-me" moment took place in our first year of marriage. I was a first year teacher, we were living in a remote community away from friends and family. One day as I was just overwhelmed by everything, I broke down in tears. All I wanted in that moment was for him to hold me... But instead he was getting more and more frustrated with me because I couldn't tell him exactly WHY I was crying...

"I took psychology, Melanie, I know there has to be a reason!" he insisted!!!

Okay, so he may not have taken the psychology of women! (my poor husband, he's heard me tell that story more than once...) I can tell it now, and we laugh, because we've come such a long way in our 9 years of marriage! He's learned to let me cry when the occasion arises even if he doesn't get it... and he doesn't hold everything back until he has it all figured out... I'm now part of the process... he knows he can throw ideas out there and I'm not going to hold him to them, or freak out if he changes his mind... he knows that he can trust me to let him think through whatever issue, share as he pleases, and work it out.

Though various factors have no doubt contributed to his sharing more freely with me, an important factor has been that I've been learning to become a better LISTENER. Not one of my strong points. I love that he feels he can share his crazy ideas, fears and dreams with me now, and I do my best to not overreact off the top and to listen... still a work in progress!

I don't think you ever master the communication thing... but I truly think that as we learn to prioritize spending time together so that we can keep listening to each other to get to know what the other is thinking and feeling on a daily basis, that's how we begin to feel more as ONE strong team who can tackle the ins and outs of life together.

Last March/April, we did a 3 week series on marriage at our church called 4 Keeps. It was awesome and looked at how we communicate, solve problems, and ALL kinds of other things... ;) Definitely worth a listen!

Marriage, Romance and Kids

At work, the girls in my department aren't really the "family" types. They're married or dating, no kids, and they give themselves to their work (and did I mention shopping and hair salons?) I do love those gals! Those of us who are a bit more family oriented, though, do feel outnumbered and we seem to enlighten them about family life now and then!

One day, I remember a discussion where one of my friends and colleagues (the mom of a toddler), was jokingly talking about the fact that once the kids come around, you don't really have much time for your spouse anymore... the romance is pretty much shot and it's more about the bills, the kids and chores... "Right?" she says looking over at me actually quite serious about it all...

"Well, actually..." I begin... let's just say that I can see how it's easy to fall into that, but I challenged her on the fact that it doesn't have to be that way! Marriage is something that needs work and commitment. Even if it seems impossible to fit in, JD and I need to take time out to connect with one another every day, whether it's when he comes in from school (or both of us from work soon enough!), or at night when the kids are in bed, enjoying a bit of TV together, just relaxing, catching up on our days...

Then we need date nights when we can get out and actually talk more over a quiet dinner, or it could even be just making a point of turning the television off one evening, or sitting out on the back deck together one sunny afternoon when the kids aren't around... It's basically "I'm prioritizing YOU" time with eachother... So necessary.

When we've gone too long without one of those times and I don't see a good time coming any time soon, I look forward to road trips (which come often enough as we visit family). When we're in the car, we're sitting next to each other for hours, so we can sit and chill, we don't even have to talk much, but it's nice to know that we can chat if we want to. And the kids are learning that they have to wait their turn when mom and dad are talking, an important lesson to learn!

I must admit, that earlier in our marriage, even before the kids, with us both busy with school and work, with computers and TVs on it seemed all the time, I worried that we would have nothing to say to each other if we were sitting across from each other at a table with no distractions... just him and I... no one or nothing else... I feared silence... Now after 9 years of marriage, it's awesome to know that I have no need to fear that. We can share stories about the kids, what's going on at work or school, and better yet, our fears, dreams, make plans about the future, the house, the kids... it's sweet. And we make time for the romance too. You've got to!

I think the greatest gift we can give our kids is the security of them knowing that their parents have a solid marriage and that we truly love each other deeply.

I just read a post on a blog recently that I can very much relate to, and I know that many with busy children will as well... it so beautifully and comically captures a snapshot of this struggle we have to communicate with our spouses when life gets busy. Take a second to read "What I Didn't Say".