Tough Week

This week was a tough one on this working mom.

I've been back to work for a few weeks now, but this week was my 4-year-old-today's first full week of school (full days, five days a week in Jr Kindergarten), as well as my 14 month old's first full week at the daycare.

The first few days kept getting progressively worst... each morning started with me having to peel one off me to get her on the school bus. The crying and screaming would start before we left the house with her wanting to stay home with me and me replying "BUT MOMMY'S NOT EVEN STAYING HOME! I'm going to work!" Ugh...

It continued right until I literally had to plonk her on the front seat of the bus beside her poor concerned older sister (the bus driver later assured me that she was fine once the bus got going).

Thankfully at the end of the day a smiling girl came off the bus after a great day (she just seems to forget that come morning).

My baby's pick-ups at the end of the day... another blow to a mamma's psyche... she didn't want to have anything to do with me! All too happy when I'd drop her off, and crying when she saw me at the end of the day, reaching to be back into the daycare provider's arms... OUCH! One day she even ran over to ANOTHER child's mom, crawled up on her lap to give HER some cuddles... HELLO!? I get that you're mad that I'm abandoning you all day, but I'M YOUR MAMMA!!! Ugh...

Tough to see your baby not want you after having been away all day... It's safe to say that this mamma wishes she could just stay home and take care of her baby herself and put an end to this crazy attachment confusion! At least I know she's happy and well cared for when I'm not with her... but still... tough for a mom to take (my first two didn't do that quite so blatantly! And no, dropping of #3 at the daycare isn't much easier then dropping off your first... it's still tough! At least I know that its going to get better).

The adjustment period is just not always fun is all... It's accompanied with a heavy heart and a good dose of mom guilt.

How I love my girls and long for the slower pace of life which allowed me to put everything else on hold so that I could enjoy my days with them - we had such an amazing spring and summer together!

I now find myself having to cram a lot of house and computer work into my weekends which creeps into my quality time with the kids and leaving me impatient... I'll have to figure that out somehow!

For now, I pray a lot... for our girls... for wisdom and efficiency in how I spend my time... and for me to always remember what's most important in my days when I'm feeling pulled in 1001 directions: my family.

For now I'm thankful that on my birthday at the end of this past week, I had a better day with the girls... drop-offs and pick-ups... And as an aside, another up to my week was that my nearly-7-year-old was intent on my birthday being special. She insisted that we go out to dinner to celebrate and that my husband bring home roses for me. (It's nice to know that at least one of my girls isn't mad at me right now!)

I'm praying for a better week to come for our little family!

Oct. 1st Update:

Its been nearly a week since I wrote the above entry. We're nearing the end of week 2 of one in full-time daycare and the other in full-time JK, and I must say its been a much better week then last week! I'm happy to say that there have been no tears at the bus stop in the mornings, and no tears for the pick-up at the daycare at the end of the day... I'm SO THANKFUL!!! What a change from last week let me tell you... I though I was going to lose my mind.

It's always an adjustment period wen I head back to work, let alone one starting school and another in daycare... the adjustment is not over, there will still be rough days (and this week has been rough in other ways... sickness and constant running with early mornings and very late nights trying to fit everything in... ) but its worlds better then last week with the girls, and I think next week will be even better on all fronts! LOTS OF PRAYER continues to sustain me and our family... and hopefully I can catch up on sleep soon ;)

Summer Resolutions

School's out for summer... that brings mixed emotions for me...

For sure I'm SOoooo excited that summer is finally here! Tomorrow is Canada Day! The warm weather has arrived... the days at the cottage... the swimming... many days out in the sun... much visiting with family and friends...

But mixed emotions because it means that as my baby girl celebrates her 1st birthday in less then a week, the end of my maternity leave is fast approaching. Though summer is just beginning, I already have the end of it at the back of my mind, as I head back to the classroom in September, and will of course be doing some reading and preparation over the summer. That being said, I'm feeling like I need to do a few things this summer...

Now that we are free from our school and extra-curricular activities, there is less running around, and we're well on our way to relaxing and playing more. I want the girls to rest more (I want us all to rest more).

I'm also feeling the need for a major technology fast. I want to break free from the computer. Though I love the convenience of my Blackberry (new in the last few months), I also really want to get rid of it... it allows me to be at the computer when I'm not at the computer... I just want to get away from the computer altogether!! And I am excited to have reconnected with many dear friends through Facebook in the past month or so, and I particularly love catching up with my family (currently my immediate family in 3 continents and 2 provinces, and extended family in 4 continents and I think 5 provinces). Facebook has been really neat for getting a glimpse into each other's daily lives despite living so far apart! Having said that, I've just turned off all of the email notifications and I've taken the Facebook application off the main screen on my Blackberry... I'm feeling a bit too connected... I just need a break from technology in general... I don't even feel like turning the TV on at night! I will for sure continue to keep in touch with friends and family with Facebook, but not having it so ever-present on my phone will be a welcome break!

I'm thinking I might just pick up my scrapbooking stuff again (after over 3 years) and maybe get a bit caught up. I've also got a few French books to read for September, despite Molière and Les Misérables perhaps not being my first picks for summer reading, it'll be a good break and might just lead to me doing more reading in general!

So, I'm off to spend more time with my three girls... reading lots with my oldest as she becomes a more confident reader, reviewing basics with my 3 1/2 yr old before she starts school in the Fall, and watching my baby getting more steady and quicker on her feet, discovering more table foods and becoming more proficient at drinking milk from a cup. I also look forward to enjoying much time in the water with all 3 - the oldest is my fish, an awesome swimmer, my middle just on the verge of swimming on her own, and the youngest is splasher extraordinaire!

I also look forward to squeezing in whatever quality time we can with daddy when he can manage to take mini breaks from school... (like this past weekend's impromptu trip to the Toronto Zoo).

All in all, I just feel like I have to be even more intentional about how I use my time because I have an acute sense of my time at home being short now!! I want to enjoy every last bit to the fullest before I head back to work!!

Do you have any summer resolutions?

Sweet & Nutty Moments in Life

There are two phrases I seem to hear myself say a lot: "Nothing drives me more nuts then..." and "There's nothing sweeter in the world then..."

The problem is that lately I've been catching myself saying those statements in reference to several different things. I suppose that's the problem with absolute statements like ALWAYS, NEVER and NOTHING... we use them way too frequently... oh well... I thought I'd make lists to go with those two phrases... (in no particular order):

Nothing drives me more nuts then...

• having my peaceful shower interrupted by loud kids barging into the bathroom.
• running out of milk or cereal in the house (that was a pet peeve way back in university!).
• the laundry sitting in baskets waiting to be folded long enough that new loads have to be washed, only adding to the mounds to be folded and put away... making me dread the task all the more (see the vicious cycle?!)
• being woken up too early in the morning by whining kids pulling on my arm to come downstairs... (I much prefer when they crawl in and let me keep sleeping for a while longer!)
• little ones making my chair swivel from side to side when I'm trying to work on the computer...
• the kitchen cupboard door falling off its hinges and onto my toe (needs some loving and slight repair!)
• finding dishes around the house once I've just finished doing the dishes and drained the water... (I really should use the dishwasher more often)
• kids not responding when being called incessantly by another... be it a sibling, friend, or whoever... Respond when someone calls your name please!! (that goes for adults too I suppose!)
• receiving spam from myself... yep, that's my name and email address... but I KNOW I didn't send those!! I wonder who gets spam from me and thinks I sent that junk??? (know that it wasn't me!!)

Now on to the other list... Here's where I want to break into song like Maria in The Sound of Music with "these are a few of my favourite things...", minus the rain drops on roses (though that is beautiful) and whiskers on kittens... (our house is on a Sound of Music kick the past while since my daughter went to see the musical last month) Back to my list (again, in no particular order)...

There's nothing sweeter in the world then...

• the warmth and peace of a sleeping baby curled up in my arms hearing my girls spontaneously start to belt out praise songs to God (though it's not uncommon for them to break into song with ABBA and the Sound of Music these days too... it's sweet, but not the same in the least!).
• hearing the giggles and hearty laughter of our kids and seeing them make each other laugh is even sweeter.
• being out in nature exploring with the girls.
• snuggling in my honey's arms.
• enjoying the company of good friends and family on our back deck, at the cottage, (or anywhere else for that matter!)
• reconnecting with an old friend feeling like you can pick up where you left off.
• being invited to swim in our neighbour's pool with the kids at the end of a HOT summer day!
• putting your list of things to do aside (like cleaning a dirty kitchen) to push giggly girls on the swingset in the backyard after dinner with a bit of hide-and-seek thrown in. Makes everyone's day in the end! (not sure why I don't stop what I'm doing more often to play...)

Next time I hear myself say those phrases with something different... I'll add them to my list! What about you? What drives you the most nuts? What are your sweet and special moments? Post a comment and share!

No Apologies

Okay, I'm an environmentally-conscious person... I mean, I have a biology undergraduate degree with a focus on ecology... and I do all kinds of things to care for the environment, always trying to be aware to mind the environment when I can...

Though I do strive to live greener, I have found my showers increasingly getting longer the past few months. Now I know it's not ideal, but I don't apologize for it! (my 6-yr old came home one day talking about caring for the environment and she dared ask - along with a long list of things - if I took long showers...BUT I do all sorts of other things!!!)

I didn't used to take long showers. I was all about keeping the hydro bill down and not using so much hot water!

You see, my showers are one of the few moments in the day when I have PEACE! I mean... no one pulling my on arm to do this or that NOW... for those few minutes, I can just block everything and everyone OUT. When I was teaching last year, I had a quiet commute to work (when I wasn't carpooling that is). This year, peace and quiet seem to be rare in the day other then my weekly evening pilates class and the times I manage to get out for a run in the mornings (and even then I have a 3 1/2 year old talking my ear off some days from the stroller!)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to promote disregarding the little things we can do to care of the environment (and reducing our hydro bills!), but I AM saying that it is important to take time out for yourself to keep sane and healthy! Particularly when you have little ones after you every minute of the day (though I'm sure it gets tough as they get older and need to be chauffeured everywhere as well)!

I laughed at my friend's blog post about the need for a bit of space from her young ones... you might relate too!

Discovery

I remember when I was pregnant with my 2nd, working in the church nursery with these babies who seemingly did NOTHING. The thought of starting all over after having grown accustomed to my mobile, verbal and more independent 2-year old momentarily freaked me out to be honest.

But then the new babe came and she captured us right away. I had already forgotten how amazing it was to watch our first discover so many simple pleasures in life on a daily basis as so much changes in that first year!

And now I find myself there for a 3rd time... enjoying witnessing my now 10-month-old discover the world for the first time... and the cool thing is that her two older sisters are loving watching her discover, learn and grow as well...

... the fun of splashing in the bath (oh and I mean SPLASHING)... the sheer joy as she figures out how to clap her hands for the first time... the prideful smile as she pulls herself up to standing and slaps the table to rejoice... the satisfaction of having successfully picked up a Cheerio and actually getting it to her mouth... the exhilaration of being pushed on the swings with the wind in her hair... and the discovery that stairs are meant to be climbed...



Who knew that discovering the simple things in life could be so exciting each and every time. Makes us smile on a daily basis with every giggle and new discovery.

A better mom outdoors?

Yesterday, the notion came to me that I seem to be a better mom when I'm outdoors. It feels that way these days anyway...

It's so easy to get cooped up in the house in the winter with the cold and blowing snow... Now that the sun and warmth are here, I'm finding myself making a point of getting outside with the kids more.

Bike rides around the block, playtime at the park, taking the younger two for a stroll in the double running stroller as I go for a run, playing on our swing set or hopping the fence to sit with my neighbour in the back as our kids play together (we've been doing that a lot the past couple of weeks - it's been great spontaneous play dates!)

Why a better mom outdoors? Because when I'm out of the house, other than the odd weed needing to be pulled, there are fewer distractions... no dirty dishes, laundry or toys in the middle of the floor to deal with, no computer or phone calling my name... Just me and the kids, the birds, the squirrels and the odd bunny rabbit. We're silly, we're active, we laugh, we stop to notice things in nature... No one tugging on my arm trying to take me away from whatever task is causing me to only half listen to their pleas...

I always feel good about the days spent outside... and I usually don't feel so great when the distractions in the house leave me feeling like I've neglected the kids at the end of the day.

Outdoors I relax. I enjoy the kids and the sunshine. I feel alive.

Today is a bit of both... bed sheets and bathrooms needing to be cleaned before the long weekend, a few things to wrap up on the computer... but I won't miss out on heading outdoors when the baby wakes up. It's too beautiful out! If only I could forget the responsibilities that await me indoors altogether!

Have you been getting outdoors?

"Mom, come play with me!"

I struggle. I struggle to sit and play pretend with my kids. Whether it's playing house, or "My Little Pet Shops" or Barbie-type dolls... I really struggle.

My 6 year-old daughter called me on it this morning.

"Mom," she said, "I don't want to go to school today. I just want to play with you! When you play with us, you always leave during the game!"

Busted.

Yesterday I braided the little pony's hair for a while but got called away by the beeping washing machine to put the load in the dryer... It never fails... when I actually do manage to sit and play "pretend" games, I so easily get distracted by the work I see all around me... the piles of laundry waiting to be folded, the kitchen needing to be cleaned, the garbage or green bin bursting at the seams and needing to be put out, or the dinner requiring preparation... or realizing that the baby will be up soon from her nap so I don't have much time left to get "stuff" done! I truly don't mean to wander, but I unintentionally do it all the time!

Am I so task oriented and bent on efficiency that I have absolutely no imagination cells left in my brain? My sleep deprived state doesn't help I'm sure... I've never gone 10 months with only 3-4 full nights of sleep the entire time (it might actually be less then that! I sure didn't experience that with the first 2!).

I also find it so easy once Julia is home from school to rationalize taking advantage of the girls entertaining one another so that I can finally get some work done in the house or on the computer! They can play together content for quite some time, playing school or mommy or some other imaginative game... but in they end... they still want mommy... and I, mid-thought... mid-task... get frustrated needing "just one more (never ending) minute" to finish this "one" thing!

Don't get me wrong, I love to stop and spend quality time with my girls, but I prefer things like baking, making puzzles or working in activity books together, or going for bike rides and walks in the park where we can "explore" nature (an all time favourite for my girls!), or blasting the tunes and having a silly dance party in the kitchen before dinner (usually when daddy's not around!)

So many things to do in the day... and the years are flying by so FAST! I pray that I can learn to stop and play more. I think the solution is that, in addition to our regular bed time stories, cuddles and chats which I love (most nights, lets be honest), here it is:

I need to be more intentional about carving out time on a regular basis for activities we ALL enjoy.

That way, they might not feel so neglected when I struggle to bring myself to play pretend. It's not going to get any easier as I head back to work again in the fall, with more work tugging me away... so I better get in the habit of routinely carving out that time for them, one-on-one and together, NOW.

This morning I promised Julia that I'd have dinner ready ahead of time, so that when she got home from school we could go to the park, or play with sidewalk chalk or in the backyard together - her choice - no distractions. I kept my end of the deal and prepared a casserole while getting lunch ready. In the end, we had an awesome time at the park (which rarely happens on rushed school days with her bus not dropping her off until 4:30). The baby enjoyed the swings and the sand, the other two loved the swings and climbing around... the sun was shining, the sky was blue... it made both her day and mine.

I love my girls.

Why do I find it so hard to stop to enjoy more these moments?

More frequent planning ahead and carving time out for activities we all enjoy... Got it. Now I just need to remember that!

The markers of a good day...

I just read a post on my friend's blog which made me laugh... Laugh because I could so relate to having both the "Survival Days" as well as the perfect days where I feel like an awesome mom and wife - the house, clean and in order, the kids happy and well fed! (I could somehow really relate to the beds getting made first thing as a marker of how successful I am at keeping on top of things!)

Today's been a pretty good day - busy and productive for sure, but still not without its hiccups! I have to laugh thinking back to my busy morning... girls dressed and fed (including myself!), beds made, laundry started before leaving for the school bus, then off to drop my second off to preschool (feeling like a pro mom so far!)... looking at the time to see if I could squeeze in a trip to the grocery store before my doctor's appointment and still make it back to pick her up in two hours... Then looking in the rear view mirror, I realized I hadn't brushed her hair or her teeth this morning... oops... she wasn't with her sister when we did that... right... well her hair looked fine, thankfully that braid was holding tight and keeping the hair out of her face... and the teeth... well let's just say that I never thought I'd be giving my 3 year old gum to freshen her breath on her way to preschool because it got lost in the details of a busy morning! Yikes! Oh well... just have to laugh at myself on that oversight and carry on with the busy morning! Just glad I had the gum in my purse! And I was able to get the doctor's visit AND groceries in before picking her up... YAY! A good day indeed so far!

Getting Moving

Well, I never would have guessed that I would get my morning exercise today by shovelling the driveway after 2-3 days of solid snow that took us by surprise! What a strange winter and spring it's been! It felt like spring in February and now winter in April... ??

What I've been wanting to write about for a while is exercise... there are actually two things that have always been important to my days ever since I was young... being physically active is one, and having quiet time reading my Bible is another. Ironically, those are the two things that since having kids have been most easily squeezed out of my days. I fight to make room for them, at times unsuccessfully, at times finding a good groove - which inevitably is only temporary...

Focusing on exercise here... I have always been an active person... enjoying down hill and cross-country skiing, rowing, swimming, canoeing, I discovered Ultimate Frisbee in my university days and even tree planted in the springs during that time, and I am one of those people who actually truly does enjoy running. That would be the one physical activity that I long to fit into my weeks the most at this point in my life. I do Pilates once a week which is like physio therapy for me, but I really can't wait to get running again.

Though I love to be active, to feel alive with my heart pumping fast, I find it difficult to schedule exercise into my days on a regular basis since the kids... I'll have a few months where I get into a groove and find the perfect time slot to make it work in my weeks, but then summer comes, another baby comes, I go back to work or go on leave... at some point my schedule always changes and it takes me a while (sometimes a LONG while) before I can get into any sort of groove again. Last year back to teaching, with an added commute, and pregnant, I never did succeed to slide that in. I love being active when I'm pregnant, so I was really missing it! Exercise is always there in the form of carrying laundry and kids up and down the stairs and running around with the kids. Exercise for sure... But not the peaceful, ME-TIME runs I love.

In the winter it's particularly tough to get out with the kids when it's 20 below and the wind is fierce. But this winter I did get into a bit of a routine. I've been making a point of getting out to the bus 10 minutes early in the mornings with the girls (mainly because we never knew if it would be early or late! now it's just a habit to be on the early side). This has allowed the girls to run and play in the snow and burn off some energy before my eldest jumps on the bus (because let's be honest, I'm not the only one who needs to fit in exercise!). At times in the winter we'd stay out a bit longer after the bus to shovel the driveway so I can get moving too (today was a deja vu!).

I also found a great bargain on a running double stroller on Craig's List back in the fall, and it's been AMAZING! I've tried to carry on our morning habit of getting out early for the bus for the afternoon drop off, but making it out even earlier so that I can fit in a brisk walk before the bus. Now that the weather's nicer (not counting the past 3 snowy days!), my 3-year old Emma wants to bike, thankfully she's fast, so I can get a decent walk (at times a jog!) in there still! With my babe's morning nap getting shorter, I'm also finding that I have a bit of time to play with before lunch, so when it's nice we try to get out to the park for Emma to run and play. I'm hoping that as naps continue to settle and the weather keeps getting nicer and the ground dryer, that I'll be able to get out even longer and actually get to the trails so that I can start running again. Just hoping that Emma will be content to sit in the double stroller! At the end of the day, she's usually tired and in the winter would fall asleep in the stroller, so it could work out! Here's hoping...

Of course, with the arrival of summer and school ending... I don't have a triple running stroller... nor would my 6 year old want to sit in it anyway! So again, barely into a running routine, I'll be struggling to fit it in again! And she's more tentative on her bike, so here's hoping she becomes more comfortable (and faster!) so that I can at least get back out for good brisk walks with the kids on their bikes!

Honestly, I think I just need to be more intentional about prioritizing, planning ahead and seizing the opportunity to get out and get moving when the weather's nice! I suppose the same goes for fitting in my quiet times... planning, prioritizing, seizing the opportunities as they come along! It's not easy when you're tired and have all these little people to worry about to take time out for myself... but I need to. For my health and sanity - which essentially benefits everyone! I just wish it wasn't so hit or miss!

For ideas on getting the kids active when the weather's bad this spring, check out Caroline's Health Nut article in the Winter 2009 issue of Mom's Moments. (it was written for indoor ideas on those bad winter days, but it can easily apply to the rainy spring days!)

The "H" Word

I'm talking about Housework... Is it just me or does it never end? Making beds, cleaning bathrooms, floors, the kitchen and dishes, (fish bowls), the dustballs, and when did those finger marks appear on the TV AGAIN? oh and there are more here on the wall... and here... and what splattered on the cupboard door? oh and those patio doors...! And why is the front entrace all cluttered again!? And let's not forget the truly never ending laundry... I think that's become my least favourite job around the house because there truly is no getting away from it... first you sort it, then you get the loads washed and dried... if you're lucky, you have time to fold them right away, but more often it seems to sit in baskets way too long... then I'm in need of doing new loads and the folding just piles up! Oh, then it needs to get put away... and we start all over again! With every member of the family we've added, laundry seems to have multiplied exponentially!

It can get discouraging sometimes to feel like I can't keep up. I usually get into a good groove, trying to get the bathrooms clean and caught up on the laundry before the weekend comes, but I'm on leave at home full-time and I still find it tough to keep up! Energy levels are low in my still sleep-deprived state... and I'm trying to make the most of my time with my girls at home so it's kind of something that needs to get done now and then and in between... How in the world did I do it last year working full time? I recall having a mid-week blitz when I could to clean bathrooms and get a head start on the laundry so that I wasn't hit with everything on the weekend... I'll be back to work in the fall... I'll have to find some way to make it work!

Whether you hire someone to help with housework or not, none of us can get away from housework altogether... it's everwhere we turn and we all need to find some sort of balance with our home, family and work! I can't fully relax when I see a mess or a job waiting for me at every turn... though I've had to learn to just let it go at times so that I can make the most of my time with the kids and head outdoors to play and get some fresh air instead of staying in to vacuum... some jobs can just wait! I've also learned to take it one job at a time. I space some out during the week, but I still like having a blitz cleaning day where I get many jobs done all at once, that way they're done and I don't have to think about them and the kids generally like to help on those days... It will be tougher when I'll be back to work, but we'll figure something out... I've done it before! And now that the kids are getting a bit older, I also think I've gotten myself some pretty good little helpers who like being by mommy's side!

Happy cleaning! I know you face it just like I do ;) I leave you with a poem that was given to me... it is mounted on the wall in our mainfloor bathroom...

Excuse This House

Some houses try to hide the fact

That children shelter there;

Ours boasts of it quite openly,

The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,

Little smudges on the door;

I should apologize, I guess

For toys strewn on the floor

But I sat down with the children

And we played and laughed and read;

And if the doorbell doesn't shine

Their eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I'm forced to choose

The one job or the other;

I want to be a housewife

But first I'll be a mother.

Mom knows best?

My husband starts school on Monday. In 12 months he'll be a paramedic! It's kind of a career change, but not a surprising one... he's worked a lot with youth in camp ministry, in the business world and in the fire service. Bottom line, he loves people, is a problem-solver, has a cool head in a crisis and thrives on that adrenaline rush. My mother-in-law couldn't be happier about this... she says that she's been after him to do this since he was a little boy! I guess moms really do know their kids.

I'm a high school teacher, and I'd have to say that one of the things that angers me the most is when students are told (by whomever - guidance counselors, teachers, parents, coaches...) that they will NEVER be able to do this or that... I grew up with a dad who used to tell me that the world was my stage. That I could do whatever I put my mind to. I vividly remember back in high school when my university applications were due... I had no idea where to apply or what to study. I pleaded with my dad to just tell me what I should do!! But he wouldn't. He said that this was one thing I'd have to figure out on my own... that got me thinking about what I really loved, and learning about the life around me and kids were two of those things - so off I went to study Biology while in the concurrent education program (allowing me to get both my undergraduate and teaching degrees).

I think the reason why I'm so bothered when people come down on kids and teens is because I do think that people can do what they put their minds to. Just take my husband and I for example... I was the straight A high school student... he was far from it... I did okay in university and worked hard... he went back to do an undergraduate degree in the health sciences earlier in our marriage and was way surpassing the majority of my university grades with marks mostly in the 80s and even some in the 90s! If you'd asked his high school teachers if they saw that in him back in the day... they probably would have said NEVER! Just goes to say that we need to believe in our kids. Looking at our own girls, who knows what they'll choose to do with their lives down the road... as much as my 6-year old enjoyed taking out her "doctor's kit" to care for me when I was sick yesterday (with her stethoscope and many needles!), in all honesty, I know that when she faces a crisis and sees any type of blood or trauma, she goes into panic/hysteria mode. So I'm guessing that she might not have her daddy's aptitude for the medical field or emergency services... having said that, I'm not going to start telling her that she could never be a doctor. Who knows how she'll develop and grow and mature over time!? I pray that God gives my girls direction and wisdom as they grow up (Colossians 1:9-14), and in the meantime, we are doing our best to help them to discover and develop their strengths and God-given gifts. The most important thing is that our kids know that we believe in them and that God has a plan for their lives (Jeremiah 29:11-13) then the possibilities are endless... I've seen what otherwise unmotivated students can do when they begin to see that you believe in them. It changes everything.

"Let's tell our young people

that the best books are yet to be written;

the best paintings have not yet been painted;

the best governments are yet to be formed;

the best is yet to be done by them."

- John Erskine

Welcome 2009 - Here's to Living in Transition No More!

Last year was... well... interesting! I was back at work, pregnant, rushing all the time... JD was #1 with the girls in the morning and after school most days not leaving him much time in between to get much done (now he understands!)... we didn't know from one moment to the next if we were moving to another city as my husband seeked out various job opportunities... Our move was looking like it would be shortly after the baby was born and I didn't know when or how I would even think of getting the house packed while teaching full-time, or after with a newborn! In sum, 2008 was a draining year - physically and emotionally! The highlights: my husband and I drew closer together through the roller-coaster ride and we welcomed our third beautiful baby girl into our family... true blessings ;)

Now on maternity leave since the summer... we've made a decision which is carrying on into 2009... We will no longer "live in transition"! What do I mean by that? I've spoken to a few friends recently who know exactly what I'm talking about... living in transition is when you're not sure how long you'll be staying where you are, so you hear yourself say things like "If we stay, we need to do this..." or "When we move, I'd like to do that..." It's always talking about the what might be and so you become paralyzed in the present and stopped from carrying out many things! We had been living in transition for almost 3 years! Since we left Northern Ontario two weeks after the birth of our now 3-year old for my husband's work, we've had two "temporary" moves, at first with the intention of moving back North, then to move to Ottawa...

This past summer, we finally decided to stay put. Funny how a decision to stop living in transition can change life... We put a swing set up in the back yard... finally rearranged the girls' rooms around (I have a very happy 6-year old in a very PINK room! And a baby finally in her crib in her own room)... We finished the basement which remained in a state of demolition for over a year... Deciding to stay put and to no longer "live in transition" means that we're finally settling into our home. Finally sorting through boxes we've been carrying around from move to move for TOO long. Finally finding a place for everything and getting rid of a ton of stuff we don't need. It feels GREAT to be getting organized and to allow ourselves to set some roots.

We love our home, our neighbourhood, our church and my daughter's francophone school. We are very blessed and are glad to not constantly hear ourselves talking about possible moves. Does that mean that we will never move? No. I don't put it past God to have other plans for us! But it does mean that we're not talking about it anymore! If and when the right opportunity comes along, then we'll talk, but for now, we're all about living each day to the fullest as we truly settle into our home and our community. Feels great to be home!

Happy New Year!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

I love this time of year! I have to admit, that I wasn't quite ready to start decorating as early as my daughters were with so many other loose ends I was hoping to wrap up first... which led to a not as "magical" gingerbread house experience... I was in the middle of something else, but this COULDN'T wait!!!! The walls weren't staying up with all the little hands in there... the icing wasn't cooperating too well... my frustration levels were up and I could hear a little voice telling me that this isn't quite how this moment is supposed to be!! It's supposed to be a wonderfully fun loving bonding experience with the kids! Well, I blew it with my impatience on that one last weekend... but now that I've knocked many things off my list that had my head spinning, I've regrouped and am back in the swing of things!



We came back to the gingerbread house to decorate it - much more pleasant experience! We got the lights up on the house and the tree up... This has always been one of my favourite parts of Christmas! As a Northern Ontario girl, I grew up going out in the ski-doo (snowmobile) or on snow shoes with my sibblings to find the "perfect" Charlie Brown tree in the bush to bring home... (you see, not too many trees out in the actual forest look perfect... there were always big bald spots in the trees leaving extra room for dangling decorations... or we'd have to hide that side in the corner to hide it... but we (the kids and my dad anyway) loved our trees! We were mad the first year my mom bought one, well at least I was!) Regardless, the smell, the sticky sap, trimming it down to fit in the house, then trying to get it to stand straight, first stringing the lights, then the mish mash of ornaments we'd collected over the years - home made and bought ... I've always loved every bit of putting up the Christmas tree! My parents used to wait until the last few days before Christmas for us to come home from school to take part in the tradition each year! It brings back fond memories with my sibblings (and many ski-doos stuck in the snow!)




Unsure of whether we were staying put or heading off to visit family this year... up went the artificial pre-lit tree ... (tough for this northern girl to admit... but to my surprise it looks pretty good!) It's decorated with our own mish mash of ornaments collected over the years - some gifts, some bought, some made by the kids - or by us as kids!... Julia would get annoyed at her younger sister for putting 3 ornaments on the same branch, but for some reason, no fighting could get to me that day... (unlike the gingerbread house experience... which is foreign to me growing up!)... this is different... I just soaked it in and enjoyed doing that with the girls - bringing back lots of memories... I do look forward to having a real tree in the house again! (I miss the smell! I guess I'll have to light candles this year - not the same... I know...), regardless, the tradition lives on in our family (minus the heading off into the bush... I don't think it'll ever be quite like that again! Tree farms with their perfectly manicured trees just aren't the same - even if you do get to cut it down yourself! - and no, I've never felt guilty about cutting down a tree for Christmas... I've planted thousands upon thousands of trees during my university years as a summer job!)


I always find such a void in January when all the decorations are gone... the house looks so EMPTY! For now, it's warm and awesome! Still a work in progress, but it's coming and I love it ;)

It's quiet...

Have you ever had those moments where your head is spinning, you have so many things on your list of things to do, nothing seems to be getting done and you don't even know where to start? Add to that 3 kids' school, nap and day schedules which limit the amount of time you have to accomplish anything... I have a bedroom half painted... not sure when I'll get the second coat on the first two walls done... let alone paint the other two walls at all (which will involve some heavy lifting to move a desk and shelving unit out first...). Then there are the boxes in the basement to sort through (that we've been dragging around for a few years in our "temporary moves"...) We're staying put now and the basement is newly finished... so it's time to sort and purge! Oh and that reminds me of the baseboards I still have to finish painting around the main room down there... then there's reorganizing the girls rooms (once the painting is done of course) so that we can make room for the crib for the baby and finally get her out of her basinnette (which she's quickly outgrowing!). And my girls just can't wait to take out the Christmas decorations... let's just say that the gingerbread house that my mother-in-law brought over last night wasn't as joyful an experience as it could have been today with my head spinning and exhaustion hitting! Now they want the tree up, the decorations out... and all I can think of is needing to get things in their place first and get a handle on the clutter and the post-construction chaos before taking more things out!

I wish I had a solid week to myself... or maybe even just two days in a row... wow... imagine what I could accomplish! For now, I've got a few moments here or there... thankful that my husband took the older kids out to play for a few hours... I didn't get to nap like I hoped (which I never do but badly needed today!) because the baby woke up (typical!)... but I have been enjoying some quietness in the house (I've got a happy baby ;) TV off, floors vaccuumed, at least the main floor feeling more in order... Peace... For the moment... I just won't venture downstairs or open my eyes too wide when I go upstairs and see my unfinished paint job and the piles of clothes here and there from my 3-year old who is forever emptying her dresser drawers and toy bins and the drawer full of hair ties and clips... unloading her "treasures" off STUFF into whatever bags and containers she can get her hands on, which I later find all over the house and need to sort through and put away AGAIN... Okay, I'm getting worked up just thinking about it...

Back to my quiet living room... I'll just enjoy the peace for now! The girls are about to run back in the door with daddy... back to reality! I love my girls and I'm excited to be finally settling into our home more... today is just one of those days when I wish I had the time alone to get everything done YESTERDAY! At this very moment, I'm too tired to be sorting out boxes and don't have time to start painting... so here I find myself enjoying peace and doing a bit of typing... I guess I should suck it up, stop procrastinating and at least get to that basket of laundry now that needs folding... I think it's going to be an early night tonight! (as long as the baby cooperates of course!) Oh, she's up now... I guess the laundry will have to wait... AGAIN!

79.1

That's what I paid per litre at the pump yesterday - what a nice break from the summer prices when 1.30-1.35 was the norm and 1.20 seemed like a HUGE deal! ... then the diaper cream and eye drops I really needed were both on sale when I happened to step in the store to buy just those two items... and an awesome 50 piece Mr. Potato head set which I know the girls will love was 65% off for under $8, AND I found a huge stash of Canadian Tire money in the house, when my dad and I seemed to making lots of trips there to pick up little needed things for our various house projects this week!

It's been one of those crazy weeks where I've been running a lot - knocking many things off the list - and all the while having this deep sense that I am very blessed...

Not only by the random deals (that's a bonus), but mostly for other reasons... Knowing that JD's off learning and growing lots in his course and I can't wait to hear about it as I can tell he's all excited in our brief exchanges - I'm excited to see where God is leading him and us in the near and distant future... Thankful for my dad and the amazing help he's been this week - making breakfast for the girls who every morning looked forward to running downstairs to see Grand-Papa who has been completing countless odd jobs and big jobs around the house that would have otherwise remained left undone for much longer... Thankful for our new furnace that went in yesterday - as the old one kept conking out at least every couple of days, and in recent days, more than once a day... Feeling blessed driving past a house fire 5 minutes away that left a home in absolute ruins, wondering how the family is coping... Grateful for my amazing mother-in-law who randomly does kind and wonderful things for us - from dropping off a lasagna, or a Christmas wreath (sp?), or winter boots for me or clothes for the girls... Excited about the direction and focus that we have with Mom's Moments as Anna and I have been working together and looking ahead at the year to come for the ministry... Thankful for the beautiful smiles of my three blue-eyed girls... Excited to have them discover the train tomorrow as we go on an adventure to meet up with daddy riding the rails...

I have a head ache tonight, I have tons to do before we leave tomorrow... but as I'm tempted to let my head ache (which I RARELY HAVE) make me stay grumpy... I'm reminded of all of these blessings... now I'm off to pack with my heart a little lighter, despite the throbbing head, remembering that God is good, and that I am blessed...

Home Alone...

I don't know about you, but I've never been really fond of being home alone for extended periods of time. Growing up with 7 people in the house, being home alone didn't happen too often! I guess I just got accustomed to the comfort of knowing that at least someone else was in the house. My university housemates were never too far either, so that was nice!

When we were first married and lived up in Moose Factory, I can remember J.D. being out of town for business for the week and getting a knock at the door at eleven o'clock at night. I was taken by surprise... as usually late night visitors (if there were any) would be for him and have to do with the fire department or something... but he was away... maybe someone wasn't aware? (unlikely on a small island with a population of three to four thousand - depending on who you ask!) I reluctantly (and stupidly) opened the door to find a middle-aged man - a complete stranger who was obviously in a drunken state - who (with his body swaying to and fro) proceeded to ask me if he could use my washroom... the first thing I could think to say was "Can you go across the street?" (???!!?) In a split second, I had him convinced that he had the wrong house and had the door shut and locked so fast with him heading across the street to find the "right" house... (sorry Phoebe)! I didn't know what else to say!! All I could think of was this man passing out on my floor... what would I do with him then? Didn't want him in the house! I was thankful to have my 130 pound Alaskan Malamute by my side at the door... but with my heart racing, he still didn't make me feel so safe in that moment (nor did my "friend" at the door seem phased by him in his state...)!

Well, my husband's away for the week again, this time for a course, and I still get spooked at times - the creeks in the house sound louder... my senses more alert... Well, I'm thankful that I only had one night alone with the girls and that my dad has come to spend the week with us in J.D.'s absense! I don't notice the night noises now, the girls are distracted and aren't asking for daddy so much and I have a feeling that we're going to get many odd jobs done around the house this week! So the creeks won't be keeping me up (though I'm usually too tired for that these days...) hopefully the baby will cooperate and let me sleep!

Good night all!

Better believe it!

If you're a mom, let me ask you this... Do you ever have those moments when you just think to yourself "I can't believe I'm a mom!" I have these moments periodically... It's usually when I check on the kids at night before I crawl into bed and see them sleeping so peacefully, or when I'm doing dishes or folding the never ending pile of clothes (is it just me? I just can't keep up! I digress) it can hit me as I work and watch them playing well together, or when one of them says something so sweet (and at times deep - out of the mouths of babes!)... it's in those near perfect moments that it just hits me... I can't believe I'm a mom! (okay - my kids aren't always perfect... but it's usually a safe bet when they're sleeping!) In the less perfect or otherwise rushed moments, I'm too busy dealing with whatever is going on... doesn't lend itself to these pensive times!

I can still picture myself at home with my parents as a little girl with THEM being the parents, and my mom having all the answers and just the perfect words of encouragement to calm me as I cried about problems with friends or whatever it might be... but now it's my turn! How time FLIES! Okay, maybe I haven't mastered how to remove every and any kind of stain out of clothes yet... or I'm not a seasoned chef either (yet - that's for another blog entry!)... but I do hear myself saying things that my mom used to tell me... and I find myself making "mom" type decisions about whether it's time to start piano lessons or to take the school bus, or I see myself cherishing those quiet moments at the bedside when my 1st grader ponders her day, shares her fears and worries and asks a thousand and one questions... I can vividly remember my mom and I having many chats with her sitting on the edge of my bed as I had difficulty falling asleep. I don't want to be too rushed and miss those moments - it's too easy for me to get frustrated at bedtime when the calls for me come down the stairs from their bedrooms when I don't FEEL like heading up there AGAIN!

I'm a mom. Yep! It's my turn! Not only am I a mom, but I'm a mom with 3 children and I've been married a year and a bit shy of a decade! Time really does fly. Even though I'm not a little girl anymore, I am glad that my mom's still my mom. She's still a great sounding board and gives good advice when I ask for it... I'm thankful for our chats and times together then and now as I continue to learn about how to become a better mom as my girls grow up.

I'm so very thankful for my beautiful family and I pray that God would continue to mold me into being the mom that He wants me to be.

The Birthday Party Frenzy

My 1st grader has already had countless invitations to birthday parties this year, and its just October! Bowling, rock climbing, Zooz (jungle-theme play gym), gymnastics gym, the public pool... you name it! Birthdays seem to go way overboard these days... there's the family party, the school friends party, the neighbourhood friends party... cupcakes for school... add the pile of gifts they accumulate at these parties where the entire class is invited, and it gets to be ridiculous!

Growing up, I don't remember us ever having birthday parties. In fact, I actually only remember one friend, Stephanie, ever having a party for our entire class at her house. We ate mini-pizzas on english muffins (or were they bagels?) and played some party games. I haven't forgotten because it was the only one I can remember attending as a kid! Okay, maybe we had the odd sleepover with a couple of girlfriends... but that was about it. The tradition in our home (of 5 kids) was that on our birthday, we got to pick our favourite meal which mom would prepare (mine being spaghetti), then we had cake (we usually all wanted the store-bought chocolate McCain Deep 'n Delicious cakes - two stacked one on top of the other - though my sister liked the marbled chocolate/vanilla cake - and I can remember requesting angel cake a few times - one year it had sticky marshmellow icing - yum!). We could also usually invite one or two of our friends to join us around the dinner table... and that was about it! And it was enough to make us feel special. (I don't remember the friends bringing gifts either... it wasn't about that!) That was OUR special day. I love the simplicity of it all...

Now that I have my own kids, I'm trying to resist the unreasonably overboard birthday party craze which seems to have settled in as "normal" these days... My 3 year-old and I both celebrated our birthdays together last month with a quiet family dinner and cake, joined by grandma. In the past, we've usually kept our family birthdays low key, inviting a few neighbourhood friends over for a BBQ maybe, or just for cake and to play (usually with a homemade chocolate cake decorated with flowers made out of smarties). Last year, for the first time, we actually had a little party for my eldest. She was allowed 5 school friends for her 5th birthday. We played games, had pizza and cake and had one of her friends stay longer for a special birthday play-date (because I knew she'd freak out once they all left and the day wasn't over yet!)...

So this year, as her 6th birthday approaches next week, she's allowed 6 friends and has been planning for weeks! My girls have moments when they struggle with it being "NOT FAIR" when it's one's birthday and not the other's... I'm trying to teach them that there's nothing fair or unfair about it! We just each have our turns and have to wait an entire year before its our turn again! If only birthdays came around more often... or NOT! Regardless, it's finally her turn, and let me tell you, my organized party planner is MORE than ready!

Happy Birthday my sweet!

When did we all get so busy?

In a parenting series at our church, Rocky Dundas, one of the pastors at the time, said something that I found truly profound. He spoke of kids today being in essence "experience rich, but relationship poor." Wow. It rung true for me on so many levels and has stayed with me over a year and a half later.

I see it all the time as a high school teacher... students are no longer content doing one activity at a time... they have overlapping seasons of volleyball, indoor soccer, intertube waterpolo, plus music and drama and part-time jobs... and then they say that we give too much homework! Dare I say that maybe they're taking on too much so that there's no time left FOR homework?? (just a thought). I don't remember us being that busy as teens!? And I've always been pretty outgoing!

The problem is not only that kids (young ones too) and their parents are constantly racing everwhere to get to something, but that families now consist of individuals with such different schedules and interests, that they barely meet at the dinner table, let alone to cross paths on weekends...

This idea of experience rich and relationship poor kids is a concept that hits a bit closer to home now that my daughters are growing into the age of participating in more activities (swimming, dance, skating). I look down the road, and wonder if it's wise to put them in this or that... I don't want to set them up to have one activity take over, nor do I want them out 4 times a week from one activity to the next! I aim for one night a week (two MAX). This fall in particular, I've really found myself examining and weighing what activities we were considering for our 1st grader.

I reluctantly put her in dance (that's for a whole other post!). By far, the highlight of my week is Wednesday night skating. We were able to get both our 3 and 6 year-olds on the ice at the same time (in different age groups of course - though their ability levels are equal! They're both just starting out...) I think my husband and I will end up enjoying this as an unofficial date night, sitting in the stands, watching both girls! Finding an activity that they can do at the same time is a step in the right direction I think...

My dream is that we could find family activities that we can enjoy together, like my family did growing up. There are 5 of us kids, and we spent every weekend staying at my grandmother's 1.5 hrs. away to go skiing. We also had horses and spent much time at the barn up the road with them. We have many great memories together and all 5 of us are still very close (despite our differences and the great geographical spread between us!) I long for that closeness between my girls as they grow up. For this winter, I hope that skating can become our family activity to practice with the girls on weekends...

Is it too idealistic in today's day and age for a family to still enjoy activities together instead of always running in opposite directions as the kids get older? I hope not. It's my dream. Idealistic or not.