The Quest for Independence

A robin built its nest in our doorway this spring.

It's been neat to watch the hovering mom always on the lookout as we'd carefully pass by, hoping she wouldn't dive bomb us in an act to protect her young! Thankfully, we were able to coexist without incident.

We started to see little heads popping up as she would bring them worms to eat, then just last week, the babes left the nest... it doesn't seem like that long ago that she built the nest! (see one of the babies below on its first flight out of the nest... didn't seem too scared by Emma's inquisitive presence... and it seemed bigger then I would have thought!!)

The nest sits empty now...

The quest to assert one's Independence is an interesting and complex one... it involves not only the willingness of the one who is to become independent, but also the willingness of the ones who are used to being depended on to let go... It's almost like a delicate dance...

I can't believe that we're already facing this in our parenting journey with our 6-and-a-half-year-old Julia... I've been seeing glimpses of it now and then... wanting to get milk for her 3-year-old persistent sister to help me out while I'm nursing the baby... or wanting to help me with tasks in the house (when it suits her) to show her competency...

The past little while, I've been seeing it at the pool... SHE wants to wash herself in the shower after her lesson (though she wants help once the shampoo gets in her eyes), SHE wants to brush her own hair, and has even been figuring out how to put it up in a ponytail of sorts! She DOESN'T need help to dry herself off or get dressed... certainly not in a dressing room (even if no one else is around)... and she DOESN'T want to be accompanied to the washroom EITHER!

My baby is growing up! It was frustrating for me today, in the moment, to watch her take FOREVER to get herself ready on her own, when I knew I still needed to get home to get supper ready... and I did, by natural instinct (and impatience) jump in there to speed things up a few times to her protest... But then I stepped back and let her be and do her thing... I did have to smile watching her standing behind her younger sister, both looking in the mirror, taking turns with the brush to do their hair... all by themselves...

As we were walking out, I WASN'T allowed to carry the bag with all the swimming stuff... she even reached for the keys and wanted to unlock the van by herself. When I jokingly asked if she wanted to drive home too, she jumped on it, I think for a moment thinking I was serious! When she clued in that I wasn't, she protested "But I know the way home!"... and that's where I draw the line!

The quest for independence... I know that my parents did a wonderful job of giving us wings at an early age... allowing us to feel confident in our own abilities, while always giving us the security of home... We left for the summers to work at camp, and we all left home early as well, most to finish off our high school in the south (for various opportunities). I hope to learn from their example, when so many today seem crippled... either by their parents' refusal to let go, or by their lack of desire or drive to assert their independence and leave the nest, I'm not sure...

I do pray that each of our girls will grow to become wonderful, confident, compassionate, motivated, loving, independent and capable young women... (and the list goes on!) I just didn't think that the process to independence started so early! It truly seems like yesterday when she was just a tiny 6lbs. 11oz. babe in our arms...

We were so clueless as to what was expected of us as parents! I suppose we still are as we keep entering new phases! The learning curve never ends, does it?