A better mom outdoors?

Yesterday, the notion came to me that I seem to be a better mom when I'm outdoors. It feels that way these days anyway...

It's so easy to get cooped up in the house in the winter with the cold and blowing snow... Now that the sun and warmth are here, I'm finding myself making a point of getting outside with the kids more.

Bike rides around the block, playtime at the park, taking the younger two for a stroll in the double running stroller as I go for a run, playing on our swing set or hopping the fence to sit with my neighbour in the back as our kids play together (we've been doing that a lot the past couple of weeks - it's been great spontaneous play dates!)

Why a better mom outdoors? Because when I'm out of the house, other than the odd weed needing to be pulled, there are fewer distractions... no dirty dishes, laundry or toys in the middle of the floor to deal with, no computer or phone calling my name... Just me and the kids, the birds, the squirrels and the odd bunny rabbit. We're silly, we're active, we laugh, we stop to notice things in nature... No one tugging on my arm trying to take me away from whatever task is causing me to only half listen to their pleas...

I always feel good about the days spent outside... and I usually don't feel so great when the distractions in the house leave me feeling like I've neglected the kids at the end of the day.

Outdoors I relax. I enjoy the kids and the sunshine. I feel alive.

Today is a bit of both... bed sheets and bathrooms needing to be cleaned before the long weekend, a few things to wrap up on the computer... but I won't miss out on heading outdoors when the baby wakes up. It's too beautiful out! If only I could forget the responsibilities that await me indoors altogether!

Have you been getting outdoors?

I did it!

I finally managed to lace up my running shoes and head for my first run in... dare I say 2 years!? I can't remember if I've had any runs in there, but it was two springs ago since I was last running on a regular basis...

And it felt GREAT!

Since the snow has melted and the warmer weather has hit I've just been dying to get out for a run again!! Without fail, the spring always calls me to lace up my running shoes!

I was all showered and dressed as we went to catch the school bus for my oldest (I'm often half in my PJ's, throw on pants and a jacket and out the door I run!).

But not today. No today, I even had time to blow dry my hair before we left the house. But still, the sunshine and the cool spring breeze were just calling me... today was the day... I had to run! Even if it meant having to shower again later...

So off I went to quickly change my clothes and tie back my hair... I was pushing over 50 pounds worth of kids in my double running stroller, loving every bit of it... and my old ab injury didn't even show it's face... thanks to my Pilates classes I'm sure!

Backtracking a bit... The funny thing is that I was supposed to go for a run with my friend and neighbour last week, but had to cancel last minute because one of the kids had the flu. Saved by the puke, I guess!

To be honest, I was nervous about going for my first run with someone I'd never run with before! Will she be fast? Does she talk when she runs? Will I be able to keep up? Will my old ab injury flare up again as it usually does when I first start running after having a baby?

I really like to work my way back into running by myself. I like to know how my body is feeling and take it at my own pace, always fearing that I'll re-injure myself. Today I put those fears to rest. I was able to jump right back in and bounced back better then after past pregnancies. What a relief!

Sure I felt slow and I know I have a ways to go before I start adding interval sprint work in my runs... but it was an awesome start! And as a bonus, my arms even got a workout from pushing that running stroller! You see, you have to pull down on the stroller to turn corners as the front wheel doesn't swivel (better for running... but not for sharp corners!) It sure adds a great workout for the arms when you've got a 3 1/2 year old and a 10 month old in toe let me tell you!

I don't know the last time I ran without a stroller... so that will be a light and freeing change I think when I do manage to sneak away for a run with my neighbour!

It sure is different to run with a kid who is old enough to talk though... Oh the QUESTIONS! "Run mom!" as I was barely out of the driveway... "Where are we going mom?"... "Why are you running mom?"... "Where are we mom?"... "Why are you saying Hi! Hi! Hi! mom?"...

Hmmmmm... Poses an interesting question: Should I be ignoring friendly trail goers as they walk their dogs to teach my child not to talk to strangers?? So I manage to respond through my heavy breathing:

"Mommy can say hello to strangers... but not you kids..." Yikes! I was just in a great mood, so happy to be running again, greeting people as they greeted me felt natural in my state of mind!

So there it is. I just jumped the biggest hurdle. Went for that first run. Phew! Felt awesome, I can't believe it's been so long, and now I can't wait for my next run! I wonder how my body will feel in the morning?

"Mom, come play with me!"

I struggle. I struggle to sit and play pretend with my kids. Whether it's playing house, or "My Little Pet Shops" or Barbie-type dolls... I really struggle.

My 6 year-old daughter called me on it this morning.

"Mom," she said, "I don't want to go to school today. I just want to play with you! When you play with us, you always leave during the game!"

Busted.

Yesterday I braided the little pony's hair for a while but got called away by the beeping washing machine to put the load in the dryer... It never fails... when I actually do manage to sit and play "pretend" games, I so easily get distracted by the work I see all around me... the piles of laundry waiting to be folded, the kitchen needing to be cleaned, the garbage or green bin bursting at the seams and needing to be put out, or the dinner requiring preparation... or realizing that the baby will be up soon from her nap so I don't have much time left to get "stuff" done! I truly don't mean to wander, but I unintentionally do it all the time!

Am I so task oriented and bent on efficiency that I have absolutely no imagination cells left in my brain? My sleep deprived state doesn't help I'm sure... I've never gone 10 months with only 3-4 full nights of sleep the entire time (it might actually be less then that! I sure didn't experience that with the first 2!).

I also find it so easy once Julia is home from school to rationalize taking advantage of the girls entertaining one another so that I can finally get some work done in the house or on the computer! They can play together content for quite some time, playing school or mommy or some other imaginative game... but in they end... they still want mommy... and I, mid-thought... mid-task... get frustrated needing "just one more (never ending) minute" to finish this "one" thing!

Don't get me wrong, I love to stop and spend quality time with my girls, but I prefer things like baking, making puzzles or working in activity books together, or going for bike rides and walks in the park where we can "explore" nature (an all time favourite for my girls!), or blasting the tunes and having a silly dance party in the kitchen before dinner (usually when daddy's not around!)

So many things to do in the day... and the years are flying by so FAST! I pray that I can learn to stop and play more. I think the solution is that, in addition to our regular bed time stories, cuddles and chats which I love (most nights, lets be honest), here it is:

I need to be more intentional about carving out time on a regular basis for activities we ALL enjoy.

That way, they might not feel so neglected when I struggle to bring myself to play pretend. It's not going to get any easier as I head back to work again in the fall, with more work tugging me away... so I better get in the habit of routinely carving out that time for them, one-on-one and together, NOW.

This morning I promised Julia that I'd have dinner ready ahead of time, so that when she got home from school we could go to the park, or play with sidewalk chalk or in the backyard together - her choice - no distractions. I kept my end of the deal and prepared a casserole while getting lunch ready. In the end, we had an awesome time at the park (which rarely happens on rushed school days with her bus not dropping her off until 4:30). The baby enjoyed the swings and the sand, the other two loved the swings and climbing around... the sun was shining, the sky was blue... it made both her day and mine.

I love my girls.

Why do I find it so hard to stop to enjoy more these moments?

More frequent planning ahead and carving time out for activities we all enjoy... Got it. Now I just need to remember that!

Marriage, Romance and Kids

At work, the girls in my department aren't really the "family" types. They're married or dating, no kids, and they give themselves to their work (and did I mention shopping and hair salons?) I do love those gals! Those of us who are a bit more family oriented, though, do feel outnumbered and we seem to enlighten them about family life now and then!

One day, I remember a discussion where one of my friends and colleagues (the mom of a toddler), was jokingly talking about the fact that once the kids come around, you don't really have much time for your spouse anymore... the romance is pretty much shot and it's more about the bills, the kids and chores... "Right?" she says looking over at me actually quite serious about it all...

"Well, actually..." I begin... let's just say that I can see how it's easy to fall into that, but I challenged her on the fact that it doesn't have to be that way! Marriage is something that needs work and commitment. Even if it seems impossible to fit in, JD and I need to take time out to connect with one another every day, whether it's when he comes in from school (or both of us from work soon enough!), or at night when the kids are in bed, enjoying a bit of TV together, just relaxing, catching up on our days...

Then we need date nights when we can get out and actually talk more over a quiet dinner, or it could even be just making a point of turning the television off one evening, or sitting out on the back deck together one sunny afternoon when the kids aren't around... It's basically "I'm prioritizing YOU" time with eachother... So necessary.

When we've gone too long without one of those times and I don't see a good time coming any time soon, I look forward to road trips (which come often enough as we visit family). When we're in the car, we're sitting next to each other for hours, so we can sit and chill, we don't even have to talk much, but it's nice to know that we can chat if we want to. And the kids are learning that they have to wait their turn when mom and dad are talking, an important lesson to learn!

I must admit, that earlier in our marriage, even before the kids, with us both busy with school and work, with computers and TVs on it seemed all the time, I worried that we would have nothing to say to each other if we were sitting across from each other at a table with no distractions... just him and I... no one or nothing else... I feared silence... Now after 9 years of marriage, it's awesome to know that I have no need to fear that. We can share stories about the kids, what's going on at work or school, and better yet, our fears, dreams, make plans about the future, the house, the kids... it's sweet. And we make time for the romance too. You've got to!

I think the greatest gift we can give our kids is the security of them knowing that their parents have a solid marriage and that we truly love each other deeply.

I just read a post on a blog recently that I can very much relate to, and I know that many with busy children will as well... it so beautifully and comically captures a snapshot of this struggle we have to communicate with our spouses when life gets busy. Take a second to read "What I Didn't Say".

Happy Earth Day!

Today I started off my day with my first grader on my case about having given her garbage in her lunch the day before. She wasn't complaining about the food, but litterally about the fact that her lunch was not "garbage free"... this week is Earth week at school and the teacher has taken away the garbage and recycling receptacles, challenging the kids (and parents!) to live garbage free! So she looked through her lunch this morning to make sure that it would fit the bill... I got a passing grade, but it's not easy to be fully garbage free!

With our kids being increasingly educated about the environment, I'm sure my girls will continue to challenge me on taking better care of the Earth! I remember recycling just coming in as I was in high school... things change fast over time! Now we've got the green bin, we're recycling batteries, you name it... And kids in school are using terms and concepts we never really talked about... like thinking about the number of miles our food gets transported to get to the grocery shelf, challenging us to buy more local to further reduce our carbon footprint...

Today being Earth Day, I thought it would be a good day to link you back to a post I wrote in the fall called "What's your act of green?". Check it out!

The markers of a good day...

I just read a post on my friend's blog which made me laugh... Laugh because I could so relate to having both the "Survival Days" as well as the perfect days where I feel like an awesome mom and wife - the house, clean and in order, the kids happy and well fed! (I could somehow really relate to the beds getting made first thing as a marker of how successful I am at keeping on top of things!)

Today's been a pretty good day - busy and productive for sure, but still not without its hiccups! I have to laugh thinking back to my busy morning... girls dressed and fed (including myself!), beds made, laundry started before leaving for the school bus, then off to drop my second off to preschool (feeling like a pro mom so far!)... looking at the time to see if I could squeeze in a trip to the grocery store before my doctor's appointment and still make it back to pick her up in two hours... Then looking in the rear view mirror, I realized I hadn't brushed her hair or her teeth this morning... oops... she wasn't with her sister when we did that... right... well her hair looked fine, thankfully that braid was holding tight and keeping the hair out of her face... and the teeth... well let's just say that I never thought I'd be giving my 3 year old gum to freshen her breath on her way to preschool because it got lost in the details of a busy morning! Yikes! Oh well... just have to laugh at myself on that oversight and carry on with the busy morning! Just glad I had the gum in my purse! And I was able to get the doctor's visit AND groceries in before picking her up... YAY! A good day indeed so far!

Happy Good Friday?

The past few days I've been feeling off. I've been getting frustrated and impatient with the kids a lot, over-exhausted with a sinus headache that just won't go, letting me know that I'm getting the cold the rest of our household has... still no excuse for losing my cool.

Then I think of a conversation I had last weekend with a friend of mine. She was telling me about a Muslim friend of hers who was trying to figure out how to could greet her during the Easter season out of love and respect for her. "Do I wish you a 'Happy Good Friday'" she asked? My friend responded that no! That was the day they killed Jesus! It's on the Sunday that we celebrate, for He rose again!

Good Friday. I prefer the French term "Vendredi Saint" - Holy Friday, as "good" makes it sound like it's a party day! That, it is not... What a day for me to have a morning of losing my cool with my kids with impatience... a day when the gravity of my messing up is all too real... remembering that Jesus had to die on the cross for me... for my many moments of messing up... so that I would have the opportunity to be made right with God and see Him in heaven one day... So, today, on Good Friday, I find myself again asking for forgiveness for messing up, thankful, though saddened by the immense sacrifice that was done on my behalf because I could never be perfect enough to earn my way to heaven... no, His gruesome death was required. Ouch! (click here to read more on that...)

Then I can't help but think of Sunday... because I thank God the story didn't end on the sombre Holy Friday! As Easter's been approaching, I've actually been thinking a lot about my late uncle Ted the past little while. He was like a grand-father figure in our family... Easter was a most Holy and serious time of year for him. We knew to never bother him in the time leading up to Easter as he was preoccupied with practicing his organ in preparation. Once the Easter morning service was done, we could visit and he would unmistakably greet us with "He is RISEN!" at which we would respond "He is risen indeed!"

So today we reflect on the gravity of Christ's death on the cross and what it means to us personally... but soon we party! For He is risen indeed!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"He was handed over to die because of our sins, and was raised to life to make us right with God." Romans 4:25 (New Living Translation)