"Mom, come play with me!"

I struggle. I struggle to sit and play pretend with my kids. Whether it's playing house, or "My Little Pet Shops" or Barbie-type dolls... I really struggle.

My 6 year-old daughter called me on it this morning.

"Mom," she said, "I don't want to go to school today. I just want to play with you! When you play with us, you always leave during the game!"

Busted.

Yesterday I braided the little pony's hair for a while but got called away by the beeping washing machine to put the load in the dryer... It never fails... when I actually do manage to sit and play "pretend" games, I so easily get distracted by the work I see all around me... the piles of laundry waiting to be folded, the kitchen needing to be cleaned, the garbage or green bin bursting at the seams and needing to be put out, or the dinner requiring preparation... or realizing that the baby will be up soon from her nap so I don't have much time left to get "stuff" done! I truly don't mean to wander, but I unintentionally do it all the time!

Am I so task oriented and bent on efficiency that I have absolutely no imagination cells left in my brain? My sleep deprived state doesn't help I'm sure... I've never gone 10 months with only 3-4 full nights of sleep the entire time (it might actually be less then that! I sure didn't experience that with the first 2!).

I also find it so easy once Julia is home from school to rationalize taking advantage of the girls entertaining one another so that I can finally get some work done in the house or on the computer! They can play together content for quite some time, playing school or mommy or some other imaginative game... but in they end... they still want mommy... and I, mid-thought... mid-task... get frustrated needing "just one more (never ending) minute" to finish this "one" thing!

Don't get me wrong, I love to stop and spend quality time with my girls, but I prefer things like baking, making puzzles or working in activity books together, or going for bike rides and walks in the park where we can "explore" nature (an all time favourite for my girls!), or blasting the tunes and having a silly dance party in the kitchen before dinner (usually when daddy's not around!)

So many things to do in the day... and the years are flying by so FAST! I pray that I can learn to stop and play more. I think the solution is that, in addition to our regular bed time stories, cuddles and chats which I love (most nights, lets be honest), here it is:

I need to be more intentional about carving out time on a regular basis for activities we ALL enjoy.

That way, they might not feel so neglected when I struggle to bring myself to play pretend. It's not going to get any easier as I head back to work again in the fall, with more work tugging me away... so I better get in the habit of routinely carving out that time for them, one-on-one and together, NOW.

This morning I promised Julia that I'd have dinner ready ahead of time, so that when she got home from school we could go to the park, or play with sidewalk chalk or in the backyard together - her choice - no distractions. I kept my end of the deal and prepared a casserole while getting lunch ready. In the end, we had an awesome time at the park (which rarely happens on rushed school days with her bus not dropping her off until 4:30). The baby enjoyed the swings and the sand, the other two loved the swings and climbing around... the sun was shining, the sky was blue... it made both her day and mine.

I love my girls.

Why do I find it so hard to stop to enjoy more these moments?

More frequent planning ahead and carving time out for activities we all enjoy... Got it. Now I just need to remember that!

Marriage, Romance and Kids

At work, the girls in my department aren't really the "family" types. They're married or dating, no kids, and they give themselves to their work (and did I mention shopping and hair salons?) I do love those gals! Those of us who are a bit more family oriented, though, do feel outnumbered and we seem to enlighten them about family life now and then!

One day, I remember a discussion where one of my friends and colleagues (the mom of a toddler), was jokingly talking about the fact that once the kids come around, you don't really have much time for your spouse anymore... the romance is pretty much shot and it's more about the bills, the kids and chores... "Right?" she says looking over at me actually quite serious about it all...

"Well, actually..." I begin... let's just say that I can see how it's easy to fall into that, but I challenged her on the fact that it doesn't have to be that way! Marriage is something that needs work and commitment. Even if it seems impossible to fit in, JD and I need to take time out to connect with one another every day, whether it's when he comes in from school (or both of us from work soon enough!), or at night when the kids are in bed, enjoying a bit of TV together, just relaxing, catching up on our days...

Then we need date nights when we can get out and actually talk more over a quiet dinner, or it could even be just making a point of turning the television off one evening, or sitting out on the back deck together one sunny afternoon when the kids aren't around... It's basically "I'm prioritizing YOU" time with eachother... So necessary.

When we've gone too long without one of those times and I don't see a good time coming any time soon, I look forward to road trips (which come often enough as we visit family). When we're in the car, we're sitting next to each other for hours, so we can sit and chill, we don't even have to talk much, but it's nice to know that we can chat if we want to. And the kids are learning that they have to wait their turn when mom and dad are talking, an important lesson to learn!

I must admit, that earlier in our marriage, even before the kids, with us both busy with school and work, with computers and TVs on it seemed all the time, I worried that we would have nothing to say to each other if we were sitting across from each other at a table with no distractions... just him and I... no one or nothing else... I feared silence... Now after 9 years of marriage, it's awesome to know that I have no need to fear that. We can share stories about the kids, what's going on at work or school, and better yet, our fears, dreams, make plans about the future, the house, the kids... it's sweet. And we make time for the romance too. You've got to!

I think the greatest gift we can give our kids is the security of them knowing that their parents have a solid marriage and that we truly love each other deeply.

I just read a post on a blog recently that I can very much relate to, and I know that many with busy children will as well... it so beautifully and comically captures a snapshot of this struggle we have to communicate with our spouses when life gets busy. Take a second to read "What I Didn't Say".

Happy Earth Day!

Today I started off my day with my first grader on my case about having given her garbage in her lunch the day before. She wasn't complaining about the food, but litterally about the fact that her lunch was not "garbage free"... this week is Earth week at school and the teacher has taken away the garbage and recycling receptacles, challenging the kids (and parents!) to live garbage free! So she looked through her lunch this morning to make sure that it would fit the bill... I got a passing grade, but it's not easy to be fully garbage free!

With our kids being increasingly educated about the environment, I'm sure my girls will continue to challenge me on taking better care of the Earth! I remember recycling just coming in as I was in high school... things change fast over time! Now we've got the green bin, we're recycling batteries, you name it... And kids in school are using terms and concepts we never really talked about... like thinking about the number of miles our food gets transported to get to the grocery shelf, challenging us to buy more local to further reduce our carbon footprint...

Today being Earth Day, I thought it would be a good day to link you back to a post I wrote in the fall called "What's your act of green?". Check it out!

The markers of a good day...

I just read a post on my friend's blog which made me laugh... Laugh because I could so relate to having both the "Survival Days" as well as the perfect days where I feel like an awesome mom and wife - the house, clean and in order, the kids happy and well fed! (I could somehow really relate to the beds getting made first thing as a marker of how successful I am at keeping on top of things!)

Today's been a pretty good day - busy and productive for sure, but still not without its hiccups! I have to laugh thinking back to my busy morning... girls dressed and fed (including myself!), beds made, laundry started before leaving for the school bus, then off to drop my second off to preschool (feeling like a pro mom so far!)... looking at the time to see if I could squeeze in a trip to the grocery store before my doctor's appointment and still make it back to pick her up in two hours... Then looking in the rear view mirror, I realized I hadn't brushed her hair or her teeth this morning... oops... she wasn't with her sister when we did that... right... well her hair looked fine, thankfully that braid was holding tight and keeping the hair out of her face... and the teeth... well let's just say that I never thought I'd be giving my 3 year old gum to freshen her breath on her way to preschool because it got lost in the details of a busy morning! Yikes! Oh well... just have to laugh at myself on that oversight and carry on with the busy morning! Just glad I had the gum in my purse! And I was able to get the doctor's visit AND groceries in before picking her up... YAY! A good day indeed so far!

Happy Good Friday?

The past few days I've been feeling off. I've been getting frustrated and impatient with the kids a lot, over-exhausted with a sinus headache that just won't go, letting me know that I'm getting the cold the rest of our household has... still no excuse for losing my cool.

Then I think of a conversation I had last weekend with a friend of mine. She was telling me about a Muslim friend of hers who was trying to figure out how to could greet her during the Easter season out of love and respect for her. "Do I wish you a 'Happy Good Friday'" she asked? My friend responded that no! That was the day they killed Jesus! It's on the Sunday that we celebrate, for He rose again!

Good Friday. I prefer the French term "Vendredi Saint" - Holy Friday, as "good" makes it sound like it's a party day! That, it is not... What a day for me to have a morning of losing my cool with my kids with impatience... a day when the gravity of my messing up is all too real... remembering that Jesus had to die on the cross for me... for my many moments of messing up... so that I would have the opportunity to be made right with God and see Him in heaven one day... So, today, on Good Friday, I find myself again asking for forgiveness for messing up, thankful, though saddened by the immense sacrifice that was done on my behalf because I could never be perfect enough to earn my way to heaven... no, His gruesome death was required. Ouch! (click here to read more on that...)

Then I can't help but think of Sunday... because I thank God the story didn't end on the sombre Holy Friday! As Easter's been approaching, I've actually been thinking a lot about my late uncle Ted the past little while. He was like a grand-father figure in our family... Easter was a most Holy and serious time of year for him. We knew to never bother him in the time leading up to Easter as he was preoccupied with practicing his organ in preparation. Once the Easter morning service was done, we could visit and he would unmistakably greet us with "He is RISEN!" at which we would respond "He is risen indeed!"

So today we reflect on the gravity of Christ's death on the cross and what it means to us personally... but soon we party! For He is risen indeed!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"He was handed over to die because of our sins, and was raised to life to make us right with God." Romans 4:25 (New Living Translation)

Getting Moving

Well, I never would have guessed that I would get my morning exercise today by shovelling the driveway after 2-3 days of solid snow that took us by surprise! What a strange winter and spring it's been! It felt like spring in February and now winter in April... ??

What I've been wanting to write about for a while is exercise... there are actually two things that have always been important to my days ever since I was young... being physically active is one, and having quiet time reading my Bible is another. Ironically, those are the two things that since having kids have been most easily squeezed out of my days. I fight to make room for them, at times unsuccessfully, at times finding a good groove - which inevitably is only temporary...

Focusing on exercise here... I have always been an active person... enjoying down hill and cross-country skiing, rowing, swimming, canoeing, I discovered Ultimate Frisbee in my university days and even tree planted in the springs during that time, and I am one of those people who actually truly does enjoy running. That would be the one physical activity that I long to fit into my weeks the most at this point in my life. I do Pilates once a week which is like physio therapy for me, but I really can't wait to get running again.

Though I love to be active, to feel alive with my heart pumping fast, I find it difficult to schedule exercise into my days on a regular basis since the kids... I'll have a few months where I get into a groove and find the perfect time slot to make it work in my weeks, but then summer comes, another baby comes, I go back to work or go on leave... at some point my schedule always changes and it takes me a while (sometimes a LONG while) before I can get into any sort of groove again. Last year back to teaching, with an added commute, and pregnant, I never did succeed to slide that in. I love being active when I'm pregnant, so I was really missing it! Exercise is always there in the form of carrying laundry and kids up and down the stairs and running around with the kids. Exercise for sure... But not the peaceful, ME-TIME runs I love.

In the winter it's particularly tough to get out with the kids when it's 20 below and the wind is fierce. But this winter I did get into a bit of a routine. I've been making a point of getting out to the bus 10 minutes early in the mornings with the girls (mainly because we never knew if it would be early or late! now it's just a habit to be on the early side). This has allowed the girls to run and play in the snow and burn off some energy before my eldest jumps on the bus (because let's be honest, I'm not the only one who needs to fit in exercise!). At times in the winter we'd stay out a bit longer after the bus to shovel the driveway so I can get moving too (today was a deja vu!).

I also found a great bargain on a running double stroller on Craig's List back in the fall, and it's been AMAZING! I've tried to carry on our morning habit of getting out early for the bus for the afternoon drop off, but making it out even earlier so that I can fit in a brisk walk before the bus. Now that the weather's nicer (not counting the past 3 snowy days!), my 3-year old Emma wants to bike, thankfully she's fast, so I can get a decent walk (at times a jog!) in there still! With my babe's morning nap getting shorter, I'm also finding that I have a bit of time to play with before lunch, so when it's nice we try to get out to the park for Emma to run and play. I'm hoping that as naps continue to settle and the weather keeps getting nicer and the ground dryer, that I'll be able to get out even longer and actually get to the trails so that I can start running again. Just hoping that Emma will be content to sit in the double stroller! At the end of the day, she's usually tired and in the winter would fall asleep in the stroller, so it could work out! Here's hoping...

Of course, with the arrival of summer and school ending... I don't have a triple running stroller... nor would my 6 year old want to sit in it anyway! So again, barely into a running routine, I'll be struggling to fit it in again! And she's more tentative on her bike, so here's hoping she becomes more comfortable (and faster!) so that I can at least get back out for good brisk walks with the kids on their bikes!

Honestly, I think I just need to be more intentional about prioritizing, planning ahead and seizing the opportunity to get out and get moving when the weather's nice! I suppose the same goes for fitting in my quiet times... planning, prioritizing, seizing the opportunities as they come along! It's not easy when you're tired and have all these little people to worry about to take time out for myself... but I need to. For my health and sanity - which essentially benefits everyone! I just wish it wasn't so hit or miss!

For ideas on getting the kids active when the weather's bad this spring, check out Caroline's Health Nut article in the Winter 2009 issue of Mom's Moments. (it was written for indoor ideas on those bad winter days, but it can easily apply to the rainy spring days!)

Beautiful

Today was a beautiful day. Sunshine, a new niece, my babe cut her first two teeth, the girls had their first swimming lessons of the season, and we enjoyed a BBQ with good friends. A beautiful day of blessings.

Yesterday was a day of waiting... Waiting to hear from my "baby" brother for news of the induction and labour/delivery, this being another high risk pregnancy for my sister-in-law... Waiting to hear from a good friend as she awaited news of a major decision that has been a long-time coming and a longstanding prayer request... Yesterday I took the kids to the park before lunch and enjoyed the sunshine as I continued to prayerfully and anxiously wait. Funny to have two things I've been praying about for months both come to a head on the same day. If only all prayer requests had a date when you knew the answer was due!

The funny thing is that yesterday I woke up feeling like it was going to be a great day filled with blessings. I don't particularly get strong feelings like that often, but yesterday I did. It felt like God would just be pouring out His favour down on many and be in the business of answering prayers.

If only I always had such confidence in how things would turn out when I pray and life feels uncertain. I'm getting used to God's answer being WAIT, instead of a quick resounding YES! Often times, I'm learning that the waiting has been to prepare me, to mould me, to stretch me... deepening my faith and reliance on God by the time the answer finally does come. Maybe it's easier to be confident in expecting an unmistakable yes when praying for others then when you're the one in the midst of a crisis, decision, or life event (major or minor). I suppose that's why it's so important to have others around us praying for us as well, so that their confidence encourages and strengthens our faith when we need it!

So yesterday I waited, expecting big things from God... and God did bring upon blessings but mostly in the trivial (like dry pants on my preschooler after a few accident-filled days!). Sure enough, I still had to wait... wait another day for the beautiful healthy baby girl who made her appearance early morn!... and wait longer still for my friend's situation to get resolved. So we keep praying and waiting for that one, all the while thanking God for the blessings and answered prayers of the day! Beautiful blessings indeed!