Letting Men Be Men

Every Wednesday, Sheila Wray Gregoire (author and speaker at marriage conferences), writes about marriage (Wifey Wednesdays) on her blog To Love, Honor and Vacuum. I thought I'd join in on the discussion again today, this time on "Letting Men Be Men" and the differences between men and women... It's just so important to work on keeping our marriages strong, so here I go talking about marriage again...!

In her blog, Sheila talks about her husband being away on a trip with the guys... When we were first married, I didn't get the fact that my man needed so much time with the guys... my dad wasn't like that. He was highly dedicated to our family and worked two full-time jobs... didn't leave room for hanging out with the guys much, though I don't think he would have wanted to. He's a busy man, always on the go. Now my husband is also a motivated go-getter, and dedicated to his family, but I've realized that he's not exactly like my dad, and he's also very different then me in certain respects!

A few things I've had to learn since being married... First, my man LOVES to sleep and has the ability to do so at any time of the day... I've never been one to nap... (until I had kids... and I still rarely nap!). Our girls know that daddy loves to sleep! That will bode well for his starting shift-work in the fall, so that's turned out to be a good thing. However, I, being more of a "sleeping-in-the-day-is-a-waste-of-time-when-there's-so-much-to-do" mind set, took a while to get that we're wired differently, and that's okay. He can nap after school before dinner and wake up refreshed to study in the evening... I'd just wake up groggier, and probably wouldn't fall asleep knowing how much work I have waiting for me anyways!

The second thing I learned (now a bit more on topic!) was that just as friends have always been important to me, so are they to him. And apparently, guys don't talk the same when women are around... I get that now. He has some truly awesome friends. Some that he can just relax and unwind with, and some that he can be real with and talk openly about what's going on in life. I would agree with Sheila that not every guy has that... but women sure are more likely to have a number of girlfriends they can call to vent to when needed!

So when I see him burned out from work (or school at the moment), and he mentions the idea of golfing with a few buds and maybe going out for chicken wings afterwards... I DO want him to go! I'd never want to hear him talk like I've heard other guys, saying "their wives won't let them..." What am I, his ball and chain? I don't think so. I know it's an outlet for him when his brain is fried (his words). Those times with buds, or the guys in our neighbourhood or his brothers/uncles/cousins are few and far in between, so it would take a lot for me to step in to hold him back.

As long as family comes first, that he prioritizes making it home to join us at the dinner table and has some time with all 4 of his girls (me included) on a daily basis... what's a night out now and then? Or an extended golf or snowmobiling trip? Again, too few and far in between, and I get that my man is wired like that. He thrives on that guy time!

Case in point: when at home, though we have a beautiful new deck out back, he tends to be hanging out in the front so that he can be social with our friends in the court as they come and go. The guys will spontaneously pull up a chair and gather in our driveway or garage now and then... he loves that. And the girls love playing with sidewalk chalk or riding their bikes in the court while he's sitting out front, studying or making calls... it works out! But I get that about him. I didn't at first... but so important that I do now! We're actually talking about building some sort of a seating area in the front so he's not always just sitting in the driveway or the garage!! (What is it with men and their garages? It's okay, I'm cool with that!)

Life would be pretty boring if we were all wired the same wouldn't it be?

Happy Birthday J! Glad you'll always be older then me ;)