No Apologies

Okay, I'm an environmentally-conscious person... I mean, I have a biology undergraduate degree with a focus on ecology... and I do all kinds of things to care for the environment, always trying to be aware to mind the environment when I can...

Though I do strive to live greener, I have found my showers increasingly getting longer the past few months. Now I know it's not ideal, but I don't apologize for it! (my 6-yr old came home one day talking about caring for the environment and she dared ask - along with a long list of things - if I took long showers...BUT I do all sorts of other things!!!)

I didn't used to take long showers. I was all about keeping the hydro bill down and not using so much hot water!

You see, my showers are one of the few moments in the day when I have PEACE! I mean... no one pulling my on arm to do this or that NOW... for those few minutes, I can just block everything and everyone OUT. When I was teaching last year, I had a quiet commute to work (when I wasn't carpooling that is). This year, peace and quiet seem to be rare in the day other then my weekly evening pilates class and the times I manage to get out for a run in the mornings (and even then I have a 3 1/2 year old talking my ear off some days from the stroller!)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to promote disregarding the little things we can do to care of the environment (and reducing our hydro bills!), but I AM saying that it is important to take time out for yourself to keep sane and healthy! Particularly when you have little ones after you every minute of the day (though I'm sure it gets tough as they get older and need to be chauffeured everywhere as well)!

I laughed at my friend's blog post about the need for a bit of space from her young ones... you might relate too!

Letting Men Be Men

Every Wednesday, Sheila Wray Gregoire (author and speaker at marriage conferences), writes about marriage (Wifey Wednesdays) on her blog To Love, Honor and Vacuum. I thought I'd join in on the discussion again today, this time on "Letting Men Be Men" and the differences between men and women... It's just so important to work on keeping our marriages strong, so here I go talking about marriage again...!

In her blog, Sheila talks about her husband being away on a trip with the guys... When we were first married, I didn't get the fact that my man needed so much time with the guys... my dad wasn't like that. He was highly dedicated to our family and worked two full-time jobs... didn't leave room for hanging out with the guys much, though I don't think he would have wanted to. He's a busy man, always on the go. Now my husband is also a motivated go-getter, and dedicated to his family, but I've realized that he's not exactly like my dad, and he's also very different then me in certain respects!

A few things I've had to learn since being married... First, my man LOVES to sleep and has the ability to do so at any time of the day... I've never been one to nap... (until I had kids... and I still rarely nap!). Our girls know that daddy loves to sleep! That will bode well for his starting shift-work in the fall, so that's turned out to be a good thing. However, I, being more of a "sleeping-in-the-day-is-a-waste-of-time-when-there's-so-much-to-do" mind set, took a while to get that we're wired differently, and that's okay. He can nap after school before dinner and wake up refreshed to study in the evening... I'd just wake up groggier, and probably wouldn't fall asleep knowing how much work I have waiting for me anyways!

The second thing I learned (now a bit more on topic!) was that just as friends have always been important to me, so are they to him. And apparently, guys don't talk the same when women are around... I get that now. He has some truly awesome friends. Some that he can just relax and unwind with, and some that he can be real with and talk openly about what's going on in life. I would agree with Sheila that not every guy has that... but women sure are more likely to have a number of girlfriends they can call to vent to when needed!

So when I see him burned out from work (or school at the moment), and he mentions the idea of golfing with a few buds and maybe going out for chicken wings afterwards... I DO want him to go! I'd never want to hear him talk like I've heard other guys, saying "their wives won't let them..." What am I, his ball and chain? I don't think so. I know it's an outlet for him when his brain is fried (his words). Those times with buds, or the guys in our neighbourhood or his brothers/uncles/cousins are few and far in between, so it would take a lot for me to step in to hold him back.

As long as family comes first, that he prioritizes making it home to join us at the dinner table and has some time with all 4 of his girls (me included) on a daily basis... what's a night out now and then? Or an extended golf or snowmobiling trip? Again, too few and far in between, and I get that my man is wired like that. He thrives on that guy time!

Case in point: when at home, though we have a beautiful new deck out back, he tends to be hanging out in the front so that he can be social with our friends in the court as they come and go. The guys will spontaneously pull up a chair and gather in our driveway or garage now and then... he loves that. And the girls love playing with sidewalk chalk or riding their bikes in the court while he's sitting out front, studying or making calls... it works out! But I get that about him. I didn't at first... but so important that I do now! We're actually talking about building some sort of a seating area in the front so he's not always just sitting in the driveway or the garage!! (What is it with men and their garages? It's okay, I'm cool with that!)

Life would be pretty boring if we were all wired the same wouldn't it be?

Happy Birthday J! Glad you'll always be older then me ;)

Mom's Moments makes its Facebook debut!

Okay, I just made my debut on Facebook too, but that's not the issue... I started the Mom's Moments Facebook Group for Moms Moments moms to connect and get to know each other, but more importantly, to get some real honest discussions going about everyday mom stuff.

So join the group, and jump into the discussions, share your tips and tricks of what's worked (or not worked!), or start a new discussion if you've got something else on the brain these days that you'd like to talk about! All are welcome to join... Invite your friends!

Not subscribed to Mom's Moments? You don't know what you're missing... In short, it's all about women sharing to encourage each other as moms through newsletters, online resources and blogs... Subscribe on the website http://www.momsmoments.ca/. The more subscribers, the more voices, the better for all (our kids benefit ;)!

Not on Facebook? I just gave you one good reason to join!

PLEASE NOTE: Mom's Moments and the MM Facebook Group welcome all women, regardless of their age or stage in life, current work or family situations, backgrounds or beliefs. Everyone has something to share, so get in on the discussions and share your insights!

For more of a focus on Christian daily faith and living, and faith & kids, don't miss Mom's Moments sister site/blog: http://www.deepermoments.ca/.

Click here and be one of the first to join us on Facebook! We'd love to hear what you have to add to the discussions!

Why? Why? Whhhhhy?

I can still hear the lamenting voice crying out. The girls and I were going around the block, the older two on their bikes while I pushed the baby in the stroller. We could hear the haunting voice as we approached not able to make out who or what it was.

The scene was a sad one. An elderly man in his front lawn attempting to do yard work, while having to continually direct his wife on the balcony to sit back down when passerbys would come... she was standing, holding onto the railing looking at us crying out such a heart-wrenching, repeated "Whhhhhy? Whhhhhhy? Whhhhhhy?"

The second time around, the man felt the need to explain when our eyes crossed. I greeted him as I walked by, and he quickly exclaimed "She has Alzheimer's."

"It can't be easy." I responded not sure what to say.

"Not for her!" he replied.

The inevitable questions from my 6 year old abounded... mainly: "What's wrong with her mom?"

And so began a lesson about how people don't just get sick in their bodies, but sometimes people get sick in their brain... their brain doesn't work well like ours anymore... they forget things... even people they love...

We continued on our bike ride, and once we got home, I said "We need to thank God for our health, don't we!?"

She then asked "Will she get better?"

Hmmmm. Another sad lesson to learn... not only can our bodies and our brains get sick... but people don't always get better, in fact sometimes they just keep getting worst.

So my sweet Julia added "Thank God that we only have little bobos that need bandaids and medication and we get better!"

And so we thank God for our physical and mental health today!

Discovery

I remember when I was pregnant with my 2nd, working in the church nursery with these babies who seemingly did NOTHING. The thought of starting all over after having grown accustomed to my mobile, verbal and more independent 2-year old momentarily freaked me out to be honest.

But then the new babe came and she captured us right away. I had already forgotten how amazing it was to watch our first discover so many simple pleasures in life on a daily basis as so much changes in that first year!

And now I find myself there for a 3rd time... enjoying witnessing my now 10-month-old discover the world for the first time... and the cool thing is that her two older sisters are loving watching her discover, learn and grow as well...

... the fun of splashing in the bath (oh and I mean SPLASHING)... the sheer joy as she figures out how to clap her hands for the first time... the prideful smile as she pulls herself up to standing and slaps the table to rejoice... the satisfaction of having successfully picked up a Cheerio and actually getting it to her mouth... the exhilaration of being pushed on the swings with the wind in her hair... and the discovery that stairs are meant to be climbed...



Who knew that discovering the simple things in life could be so exciting each and every time. Makes us smile on a daily basis with every giggle and new discovery.

The Early Years of Marriage

Every Wednesday, Sheila Wray Gregoire (author and speaker at marriage conferences), writes about marriage (Wifey Wednesdays) on her blog To Love, Honor and Vacuum. I thought I'd join in on the discussion today on "What It Means to Become One" - the idea being that yes "two shall become one" when they marry... but you don't always "feel" as ONE instantaneously. So, what does it mean to become one?

Last weekend, driving to a family wedding, I was telling my husband J.D. how exciting and scary a wedding day can be! So much time, money and preparation spent on the one day, with the hopes that we'll be the ones to overcome the odds and have a marriage that lasts forever. Scary stuff that will make anyone nervous! The wedding was beautiful, and the poor groom fainted during the vows. There was never any question that he deeply loves his bride as they've always made a dynamo team. But it did confirm my thoughts not even 1 hour before... marriage is a scary thing in our society at the outset regardless of who you are!

When J.D. and I were first married, I quickly realized that we communicated VERY differently. I lay it all out there... I speak before I think... rather, I speak to figure out what I'm thinking... I don't hold anything back... whereas he would speak up when he felt he had it all figured out - which was not often enough to my liking. It used to infuriate me that he could be so open with others, but had a hard time with me for some reason... it drove me nuts that he wouldn't let me in on the "process" as he was working through whatever it was... oh and the insecurities and questions that crept in on my end...

I think the best "you-really-don't-get-me" moment took place in our first year of marriage. I was a first year teacher, we were living in a remote community away from friends and family. One day as I was just overwhelmed by everything, I broke down in tears. All I wanted in that moment was for him to hold me... But instead he was getting more and more frustrated with me because I couldn't tell him exactly WHY I was crying...

"I took psychology, Melanie, I know there has to be a reason!" he insisted!!!

Okay, so he may not have taken the psychology of women! (my poor husband, he's heard me tell that story more than once...) I can tell it now, and we laugh, because we've come such a long way in our 9 years of marriage! He's learned to let me cry when the occasion arises even if he doesn't get it... and he doesn't hold everything back until he has it all figured out... I'm now part of the process... he knows he can throw ideas out there and I'm not going to hold him to them, or freak out if he changes his mind... he knows that he can trust me to let him think through whatever issue, share as he pleases, and work it out.

Though various factors have no doubt contributed to his sharing more freely with me, an important factor has been that I've been learning to become a better LISTENER. Not one of my strong points. I love that he feels he can share his crazy ideas, fears and dreams with me now, and I do my best to not overreact off the top and to listen... still a work in progress!

I don't think you ever master the communication thing... but I truly think that as we learn to prioritize spending time together so that we can keep listening to each other to get to know what the other is thinking and feeling on a daily basis, that's how we begin to feel more as ONE strong team who can tackle the ins and outs of life together.

Last March/April, we did a 3 week series on marriage at our church called 4 Keeps. It was awesome and looked at how we communicate, solve problems, and ALL kinds of other things... ;) Definitely worth a listen!

Mamma Mia!

The past number of months, I've had a 3 and 6 year old who will break into song out of the blue with various Mamma Mia! tunes at the top of their lungs (doesn't matter where we are either... for the 3 year old anyway!)

They were introduced to ABBA by their aunt, cousin and grandmother and have been singing the songs non-stop ever since! It's been an experience for daddy! It's a good thing I like to sing and dance along! I think I would have put off their discovery of Mamma Mia! until they were a bit older though... some of the lyrics are rather ahead of their time!

"Mom, what does: 'Give me, Give me, Give me a man after midnight' mean?"

Oh boy...

On the one hand, I've had to repeatedly remind my nearly 4-year old that even if they slide down the banister and jump on the bed in Mamma Mia!, it doesn't mean that it's okay!... And on the other, my 6 year old inquisitive daughter has been dissecting the lyrics to the songs with her incredible memory, asking me about this line, and that... The movie and songs have actually sparked some great conversations with her which has been great. She's had so many questions, such as...

"Sophie is 20! She's not old enough to get married, is she?... Is she old enough to babysit?"

Then came this question:

"Mom, what does 'Don't go wasting your emotions... lay all your love on me' mean?"

I don't tend to over-spiritualize everything with my kids, but as I stopped to think about it, this is the only response that really made sense to me (though she gets that it's not really what they meant in the movie - but this is what makes more sense)...

"That's exactly what God wants us to do! He wants us to stop wasting our emotions on things like worry and fear, and instead to lay all our love on Him! When we love Him first and remember how much He loves us, then we can stop wasting our emotions on some of those other things that drain us for nothing..."

God speaking through an ABBA song? Who knew. It does jive with so many verses in the Bible though...

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Are you "wasting" your emotions? It's so easy to get wrapped up in our daily troubles and allow them to consume us... God's there calling us to lift our eyes from our "stuff" that so entangles us, and to look to Him for peace...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

I love how our pastor put it in his sermon entitled "Worry-Less Living" in April... He called it "The Phil 4-6 Principle": Worry about NOTHING, Pray about EVERYTHING.

So easily said... I just need to remember it when it matters!

(As posted on the Deeper Moments blog)